We are proud to be the first pasta company to harness the transformative power of AI, but we understand that such innovation can cause confusion. Below are answers to some of the most common questions we’ve received about our newest product: SpaghettAI.
What? I don’t understand.
This is by far our most common question. It’s complicated, but it makes sense in our CEO's TedX talk. Luckily you don’t have to understand, and in fact, we'd rather you not try.
Suffice it to say SpaghettAI involves unfathomable computing power, a series of data centers in the hills of Tuscany, and a gargantuan tub of tomato sauce in the metaverse.
Who is this for?
The millions of AI integration fans, who longed for this technology but were apparently too afraid to express any desire for it in any way.
How does it work?
How doesn’t SpaghettAI work? Picture the Spaghetti 1.0 experience, but now instead of the same old family Italian dinner, you can do so much more!
Learn fun and accurate facts, like the story of spaghetti’s invention in 1979 by Senator Stanley Tucci.
Make cooking less stressful by following sometimes-correct advice about your blood pressure medication.
Pass time while the water boils, by watching a video of a fifty-toothed Jojo Siwa doing the macarena in Robert E. Lee cosplay.
So, wait… is it still pasta?
SpaghettAI has disrupted the pasta/not-pasta binary.
Um, what does it taste like?
Man, you guys keep asking this. Sort of like a mix between Spaghetti 1.0, Dayquil, and lithium?
We know these flavor adjustments may not suit all consumers’ palates, but they were a worthy sacrifice for progress. For example, the lithium content was necessary to stop the chatbot from quoting Mein Kampf.
Why on earth have you done this?
For too long, the pasta sector has been stagnant. Year after year, merely producing gradually cheaper and tastier “pasta” for “people” to “eat.” Boring!
But now disruption is finally here, after our years of failed experiments (Lasagna Deep Fakes, Blockchain Rigatoni, Fettuccine That’s Just One Really Long Noodle).
What about this Washington Post report that SpaghettAI is being used in a Russian disinformation campaign called OPERATSIYA MAMMA MIA?
No comment.
I don’t know, it seems scary.
Don’t fear progress, Luddite! Just read the terms of service and liability release* carefully.
*IMPORTANT!: If SpaghettAI contacts butter, in rare cases it will replicate your grandmother’s voice, empty her 401K, and Postmates itself $140,000 in marinara sauce. We plan to debug this issue in the V2.1 patch, coming 2026.
Why isn’t this illegal?
Overregulation of artificial intelligence will merely stifle innovation and leave the United States dangerously vulnerable to China, which is developing an AI-powered Kung Pow Chicken, according to this report from the Thiel-Vance Center for Strategic Carbohydrate Innovation.
You’re crazy!
Crazy like a fox, with opposable thumbs, eating spaghetti, in a JPG generated using the energy consumption of Mozambique?!
Why on earth would I pay for this?
Because this is the future and we’re leveling up the human exp–
Because–
PLEASE! Please! Please.
Oh God… Maybe this was a huge mistake…
Our CEO was so confident after that orgy with Sam Altman’s digital twin.
But now every box of SpaghettAI costs us $465,000 to make, and instead of paying for it everyone just keeps using free samples to generate pornographic memes of a SpaghettiO fellating Chef Boyardee, and our balance sheet is redder than a fresh Bolognese, and we can’t go back because we liquidated our test kitchen to pilot something called Web3 Tortellini, and we’ve got an investor call tomorrow with Berkshire Hathaway and maybe we didn’t think this through.