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Lucky, the dog I had growing up, was a living, breathing creature. Black Shuck, on the other hand, is a ghostly apparition fueled by bloodlust.
Is this a modern Huxley, or is it a true fright? Lovecraft… Stoker! Oh, such a crippling thought, such my will of darkness.
Waking up handcuffed to a deck chair and duck taped to the point of suffocation was exactly what my girlfriend and I needed to stop fighting.
Specific sweater styles that tell him you're open to the idea of talking about maybe taking it up the butt, maybe. But probably.
Entertaining guests at the White House, huge part of being president. I drink Diet Coke from cans, but only the best for guests: bottles or fountain.
Just six months ago, eating peeled grapes from my servants, I thought it was a brilliant idea. Now, standing up to my ass in snow, maybe not so much.
Have you ever lusted after Bernie Sanders' egalitarian utopia but then felt you were cheating on that copy of Reagan's "City Upon a Hill" speech?
I sit in your closet collecting dust, regretting that my only purpose was to fit your head and no one else's. What ever happened to loyalty?
The new NYC system utilizes colors corresponding to varying degrees of air pollution emergencies, each color representing the air smell of the day.
As crazy as it seems, I believe Star Wars fans felt cheated when the credits rolled and Melinda and I were still on the brink of divorce.
It is with heavy heart that I, Robby Schwartz, wish to announce that I am no longer a punk rocker. I am now a skater; please accept my decision.
The Next Great American Novel won’t be written by a 27-year-old with clear braces and a Deathly Hallows tattoo.