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Hello and velcome to Chili's. I'm so sorry for the vait, ve've been slammed tonight. My eternal thanks for your patience.
A description of discontinued candy bars: You know what’s better than not getting candy? Hearing about candy you’ll never get to enjoy ever.
This idea is foolproof as long as a group of sleuthing teenagers and their crime-solving dog don’t get in my way.
He must love dogs more than anything if he’s walking so many dogs. But why doesn’t he have a normal, regular job?
Why is nobody celebrating this big win? It’s life! Even if that life is a disease, it is still life.
It is no secret that our relationship is entirely transactional, but still, our story was romantic. I convinced myself that this was love.
Receive an unsubscribe message that says “Based on your age we think you may be more interested in The Lumineers.” Now, it’s personal.
I used to be the most talked-about piece of art in this museum. Now I'm not smiling anymore.
Money? Money? Money? Excuse me. Money? Money? Money? You. Give. Now. Money. Me.
Given these conditions, we may be decades away from being able to fake another moon landing.
I’m like Rosamund Pike in the first act of "Gone Girl," when she was still a brunette.
But let me be clear: your hesitation to place a single mark on any of my acid-free, silk-finish pages is one hundred percent correct.