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I woke up today thinking it was Thursday, but it turns out it might be Tuesday. I’m not really sure because both of them start with a “T.”
I had hoped the craze would die out before needing to call an emergency meeting at the alternative milk headquarters, the Portland Trader Joe's.
Everyone thinks they know me and my story ever since they saw me standing majestically in the foreground of a snow-covered mountain.
Do you really need to pull your neck gaiter down at the JetBlue gate and start spelunking your nostrils right then and there?
With each passing day, her resolve grows weaker. She begins to wonder if the girl above will once again leave her in peace.
The drawer that still sticks, the third night of leftovers, the same old view out the window: just a few reasons travelers find us so unforgettable.
Press mute on unsettling thoughts like this by turning up the volume on a new pair of Beats by Dr. Dre.
Seriously, I cannot keep having these sales, because the last guy just bought a bajillion mattresses and we had no idea what to do with them.
Your doctor has horrible penmanship, so I'm really just going with my gut feeling here. I know exactly as much about your medication as you do.
A gap year will help to make me the man I want to be. Unless you are planning to hire me, in which case: STOP READING. GIVE ME THE JOB.
The keyless key fob is another amazing tool, even though I constantly have to search the house because my dumb husband lost it again.
That’s when I see this sandwich, all multi-layered and cut in half with these giant toothpicks holding everything together.