Daily funny articles by seasoned comedy writers and fresh voices. Best of Year | Editors' Picks | People's Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
With so much laughter and Vicodin flooding the streets during the daylight hours, powerful dream beasts emerge to rule the night.
I would like the board to be aware and consider the fact that my house is a piece of garbage and I am rotting inside of it.
I tried swing trading, but I guess I misunderstood what that meant, because the cops got called the second I showed up at the playground.
The Broadway League called me a "triple threat" since I caused a scene at every show, stalked cast members, and made everyone around me feel unsafe.
"The rooms were comfortable, the food was exquisite and my husband and I had a glorious time in the pool until they released those piranhas.”
Dog: Thanksgiving took a while to understand, but I’ve got it now. It starts when you’re locked outside because no one can deal with you today.
You make me better. You make me ask the tough questions, like do I have rabies, and is the baby giraffe at the zoo mad at me?
Listen, we’ve all been there. Relationships aren’t all grapes, private lyre performances, and lounging like statues in an acropolis.
We know that you usually visit for 3-5 days, but the safest option is for everyone to stay for the suggested quarantine period of at least two weeks.
I am in the wrong house. Where are the 17 pieces of paper asking me to vote Jackie F to help save the environment?
Put simply, the new normal is the normal that is currently substituting what is actually normal by normal standards.
With casualties in the hundreds of thousands, just be glad you're dating someone that’s alive.