My aspiring chef roommate, Chelsea, usually hosts this class every Saturday at 5 PM, but she asked me to fill in for her so she could give her eyes a break from Zoom and instead watch TV on her computer. I’m not really someone who cooks a lot, but she went over the gist of it.

I am also supposed to remind you that there are absolutely no refunds. So, let’s get started, shall we?

1. Prepping Your Chicken Marsala

Oh. This is chicken marsala? I thought Chelsea said “chicken, more salsa!” That’s fine. Shouldn’t be too different. Just get all the ingredients out and, I don’t know, familiarize yourself with those things that are now on your counter.

2. Making Your Chicken Cutlets

Dip that chicken in flour and get it in the pan! Now, this is where Chelsea warned me to be careful. Apparently, chicken is not like steak, and you can’t cook it rare/medium/well done to your liking. What’s that? You already knew that? Wow, do you even need a cooking class?

So sorry, I did forget to tell you to put oil or butter in your pan. Just add it in now. No big deal. Also, if you haven’t turned the flame on, you should do that. I didn’t do that, and my chicken was not cooking. You’ll notice that once the flame is on, the chicken will cook.

3. Add Your Mushrooms

I think mushrooms are disgusting, so I’m going to sit this part out. The recipe here says you want to slice them and stir them around. You guys can let me know when you’re done with the mushroom part.

4. Add Your Alcohol

Here I thought this wine was for drinking, right? Well, turns out we’re going to add this marsala wine— Wait. Marsala wine? This is the wine from the name of the dish! That’s so fun! Anyway, pour that bottle in. I’m going to go ahead and say add as much wine as you need, depending on how hard your week was.

5. Let it Simmer

For the “Let it Simmer” step, we let it simmer.

6. Prep Your Garlic Bread

Jeez, you really needed to make a side, too? One restaurant-style dish isn’t enough? Okay. Cut your long loaf of bread in half.

Just be careful with your knife—oh. Wow. That’s a lot of blood. Yikes. It hurts a lot. Hang on for a few minutes, please.

Phew. Sorry about that. I just threw up in my bathroom, but my finger is all bandaged up and ready to get back to it. Great, I see everyone else cut their bread without injuring themselves.

7. Make Your Butter Mixture

Okay, this is getting complicated. Combine two cloves of garlic, smashed and minced, with half a stick of softened and unsalted butter. Does that make sense to everyone else? That’s so many adjectives. Just get the stuff on the bread.

8. Heat Bread in Oven

Why isn't the oven hot? Wait… wait, I see here it said to preheat. Let’s just pop that tray in now and see what happens.

Ovens really take a long time to heat up, huh? I wish Chelsea was here. Anyone want to tell a story or something? No? That’s cool, too.

I guess everyone can go ahead and just eat the chicken while we wait for the bread to get warm. I know it’s technically a side, but we can make it a second course.

Actually, looks like my finger wound is starting to bleed again. I’m going to need to duck out and maybe get stitches, but enjoy your meal!