Wow, I can’t believe it. I couldn’t believe it when I found out. My boyfriend of 4 years is actually my twin brother. It’s crazy. People kept telling us, “guys, you look so much alike.” In hindsight maybe I should have listened. Our friends would joke and our haters would hashtag our Instagram photos with #twincest.
I should have known when we both met at the juice bar at Equinox, right after we were checking each other out during the Firestarter class. It’s great for cardio and you only need to do it thirty minutes. I should have known my soulmate was also my twin brother when the juice barista asked us if we were twin brothers.
I guess I just didn’t want to believe it, even when everyone kept saying it over and over again. I still can’t believe it now. All of our gay friends are also very hot, so they don’t really pay attention to us. But the uglies we only hang out with in private told us that we’re vain and shallow and not really connecting on a deeper level, they say we are so into ourselves that we ignore everything and everyone around us because we believe everything should be about us. And I dismissed their opinions because, well, they’re ugly and don’t take care of themselves and their bodies. But they may have had a point when they said, “Jack, you are dating your twin brother.”
When we first had sex, I couldn’t believe how hot he was. I mean, yes I could, because I was equally hot. You could even say I was exactly as hot as he was. Our bodies are so perfectly chiseled that I felt such a #deep connection. I felt for the first time that I was seeing myself through his eyes, but it turns out it was because I was seeing my twin brother. We have a big mirror next to the bed so we not only look into each other’s eyes but also look at ourselves while looking at each other. It’s so hot.
When I introduced him to my parents they were shocked. Speechless even. I was so proud of myself. They never ever liked my other boyfriends because they said they were snarky, self-absorbed, and “potentially a sociopath”—but with John it was different. We were both so much alike, we were the same race, the same height, our hair was styled exactly the same, our bodies were carved like those marble sculptures in museums, and I only know what a museum is because when I was 12 I was a little chubby and a nerd lol #neveragain. But now I know my parents’ shock and silence was because they knew I had a twin brother and we’d been separated at birth. That’s when we found out I was dating my twin brother.
We were both so upset we just left, drove up to Palm Springs to see our daddy, whose name is Hunter, and who looks more like us than our “biological” dad. He let us in the house only after we put on our matching speedos, which he bought for us the first day he met us. I remember like it was yesterday “I’m only using you because I have a twin brother fetish”—seemed so funny at the time.
Maybe I should not have dated someone who looked exactly like me. Maybe I should have known when a medical researcher saw us at the Ace hotel lobby having the most amazing talk about brunch, and he walked up to us and said we could make a lot of money doing medical research for twins. We said, no thanks, we don’t do paid partnerships on Insta because we care about our brand too much. Unless of course they wanted to see our butts on a balcony in a Mykonos hotel, in which case we could totally partner with medical research.
I guess there’s no reason for us to stop dating now. There's no reason to give up. We can only hope other hot gays someday find their own twin brother and have what we have. So save the date hunty, we’re getting married and you know what? It’s going to be a lot.