It just goes to show: if you live long enough, you’ll see everything.
Case in point, I recently forced Attorney General Jeff Sessions to eat from the same trough we use to feed our many dogs, and now he believes that white people are superior to their canine companions.
And to think, it only took one week of being forced to saddle up to the trough on all fours, my huge dogs on either side, for Jeff Sessions to abandon all his preconceived notions on race. One could actually see a transformation taking place each morning as we hosed off the brown slurry from his face, a food staple we lovingly refer to as “slop.”
We watched in true fascination as Jeff Sessions, a white man with no known prejudices against canines, quickly developed a cultural bias in the melting pot of the dog pen. While he initially put up a fight when we locked him in there at night, he quickly learned he needed the energy to battle Lil’ Hess for space under the heat lamp—a name he soon realized was purely ironic.
Hindsight being 20/20, it was clear after day two, Sessions felt a burgeoning sense of superiority, telling us in no uncertain terms that he was the Attorney General of the United States and should not be living with dogs. Yet, we put it out of our minds, as we figured the intense cold spell moving into the area would agitate anyone living inside of a makeshift barn.
By Thursday, however, Session’s views started becoming a little bit more vocal and radicalized.
“Please…” we’d hear achingly coming from the dog pen, “I’m no dog.”
It was around this time we noticed an interesting change in the social dynamic between Jeff Sessions and the nine, huge dogs he now lived with. Old Stripe, the German Shepherd and alpha male of the pack, did not appreciate Sessions taking a shining to Biscuit, the newest pup. Each time Sessions attempted to play fetch or scratch Biscuit's belly, Old Stripe bared his teeth, forcing Sessions into the corner and further alienating him from the dog population. Making matters worse, Old Stripe would not let Sessions anywhere near the dinner scraps we tossed in each night.
We were, ultimately, incredibly sad when it came time to release Jeff Sessions and observe just how different he was after just a week of living with our dogs. It is never easy to watch a good man corrupted by prejudice. But it’s important to understand, if we’re going to progress as a society, that racial biases are not innate human traits; they come from old, white, Southern men who should be treated like dogs.