In today’s episode, we’re looking for a home for Meghan and Akhil, a fun-loving ghost couple who are new to the market and excited about finding a home of their own.

They’d love to find a place with at least two bedrooms, one and one-half baths, and two mortals.

Meghan is hoping to find a place that allows pets because she likes how they can see her and Akhil while their mortal owners can’t.

“It really increases that ‘wow’ factor for me,” she says.

Akhil is hoping for a place with good views of the city to inspire his art. “My work is really centered on the concept of ‘phenomena.’ Like making things move and having people wonder ‘What the fuck, did that thing just move on its own?!’ That sort of aesthetic.”

These excited first-time house haunters have a budget of no dollars, and eternal unrest. Let’s get haunting!

Our first home is a studio apartment with one bathroom, great views of the city, and two cats. There is just one occupant though, and Meghan is not excited about that.

“I really was hoping for another couple like us, because I want to hear how they react to the haunting. Like, will one partner believe that we’re really here and the other will try to belittle the other person’s thoughts on the supernatural?”

“With this guy, I’m just going to have to read his texts to get any information. And I don’t do social media so I can’t see his mentions. Boo.”

Akhil is also not that impressed. “That window has a good view of the skyline but being a ghost it’s like, not impressive. I need an audience.”

Next up for the House Haunters is a two bedroom, one bathroom apartment. It’s in the heart of the city with great views, but no pets. And Akhil thinks he has found another issue.

“They’re already dabbling in witchcraft. This is going to be annoying. They’ll probably brag about us to their friends and ask us to perform. I can’t work under that kind of pressure.”

Meghan and Akhil take a closer look at the mortal’s collection of crystals, candles, and books. They’re shocked by what they find.

“It looks like they’re trying to summon the dead!” Meghan shouts. “I’m so pissed off.”

They decide to leave this apartment, but only after Meghan places a curse. “Hope they like being haunted… by rats!”

The last house is a two bedroom, one bath apartment nestled in a busy neighborhood. There is one dog and three mortals. No big city views in this apartment might be a concern for Akhil, but he’s happy to see a hallway.

“I could start working with doors, slamming them. Also creepily opening them up. That could be a fun direction to go in.”

Meghan is ready to work with the dog here, too. “Her name is Abby, which is adorable. And she can see us and hear us. And she looks like she’s really verbal.”

“Grrrrrr!” Abby agrees!

“I think this is the one,” Meghan says to Akhil. “Let’s make an offer. Oh wait! We don’t have to!”

“That’s what I love about being ghosts,” says Meghan. “No mortgage.”