Hey Team,

I have a little bit of a headache, so I'm just going to work from home until I feel better. I'll be available all day on email and Slack because this is definitely a work day for me and not a sick day. I will be asleep all day.


Hi everyone,

I'm going to go heads down on this project and work from home to really focus. I just concentrate a lot better in my apartment since I'm a lot happier there, because I don't have to do boring things such as my job.


Hi all,

I have a mild cold, so I think I'm going to work from home to avoid infecting any of you. Obviously, my preference would be to come into the office, but it would be socially irresponsible of me lest I run the risk of sneezing on one of you, passing along my infection, and causing grave illness for you and your whole family. For the good of everyone at work except me, I will be staying home all day. I hope this act of generosity will not be forgotten.


Dear co-workers,

I have a doctor’s appointment at 6:30pm, so there's really no point in my coming to work this morning because I'd have to leave at like 5:45. I'm going to work from home, but I'll be available through all the usual channels, although I'll respond exclusively to carrier pigeon.


Hey gang,

The trains are running weirdly, so I think I’ll just work from home in the morning and then come in in the afternoon. So I’ll see you all around 2pm, unless my hangover still hasn’t cleared up, in which case I won't come at all. Hit me up if anything is urgent.


Sup gang? I slipped while naked in the shower and badly bruised my dignity. Then, as I tried to get up, I pulled down the whole shower curtain. This made the floor really slippery as well, and my towels were drenched, so I had to run nude from the hallway bathroom to my bedroom, but don't worry- I don't think my roommate saw. He’s been bangin’ this woman for the last week or so, and he hasn’t been leaving his room regularly. Ah, to be young again. When I got to my room I collapsed onto my foam roller and have been trying to work out the knot in my back for the last 30 minutes. I'm going to work from home until I have it in me to put clothes on again- I will keep you all posted.

Preston T. Fulbright

Hey — going to WFH this morning because a plumber is coming. Also, my parents have been staying with me and just left, so I haven't masturbated in a week.