Well there it is… one breakfast burrito. Good as new.

Feel free to pick it up and have a sniff if you’d like. It’s the new “California” model, which is pretty popular these days. Or at least that’s what the other dads in the neighborhood are buying. (We meet up once a week at the local Amazon Locker to review patio furniture, breakfast menus, and Scarlett Johansson.)

One of the guys had a burrito plug so we all ended up getting one. Robert even got a second one to keep at his office, which I don’t blame him for. I mean, just look at these eggs! Look how yellow they are! Most breakfast burritos don't come standard with eggs like this anymore, you know? Yeah, now they require you to upgrade. Apparently there’s something going on with scrambled egg production moving overseas. I don’t know how it all works….

What I do know is that I have and always will support American burrito manufacturing. Seriously, I spent weeks going down a rabbit hole reading every single Consumer Report and takeout menu I could find before finally pulling the trigger on this one. At one point, I literally had two dozen photos of breakfast burritos pinned up on my bedroom wall like a hungry person! It got so bad that my wife refused to sleep in there, claiming she had “recurring chorizo nightmares” or something like that. Honestly, I think she was just jealous of all the attention the burrito hunt was getting.

It was so worth it though, man. This Mexican-inspired potato rocket is top of the line. It’s got professional grade tortillas, reclaimed shredded cheese, and it was folded using the same techniques utilized by U.S. Navy Seals out in the battlefield cafeterias. Badass, right? Even my wife now admits that she feels safer and less hungry with it in the house. That’s exactly the kind of peace of mind that only a burrito made in the U.S.A. can provide.

To be honest with you, it’s kind of a bummer to have to let this go. The only reason I’m even selling it is because I’m moving up to Seattle next week, and it would’ve cost me more to ship it up there than to just buy a new one. Sucks, I know. But my loss is your gain.

This black bean bad boy retails at $8.95, but I need it gone ASAP which is why I’m letting it go at more than half off the menu price—a total steal. Even on eBay, the lowest you’ll find is $6.50 and that’s not even including shipping plus tax. Not to mention the fact that you might end up with a dupe.

Seriously, there are a ton of knockoff breakfast burritos being sold online. It’s not just Supreme and Big Macs, it’s burritos now too. Scammers will claim it’s being sold from somewhere like Albuquerque or Santa Fe, but in reality, those suckers are being drop-shipped straight from Guangzhou. My cousin, Lenny, once bought a burrito off an Instagram ad and not only did it take eight weeks to arrive, but when he finally got it… it was a chimichanga. A freaking chimichanga! Can you believe that? The thing was plastered in Chinese stamps and even had a customs form declaring it was a “gift.” Some nerve, right?

All that to say, save yourself the headache. This burrito is 100% legit. I even have the original paperwork from Del Taco to prove it. If you want, I can give you a copy so you can have its authenticity verified by a certified Del Taco technician.

A breakfast burrito is a big purchase, I get it. It’s important to have peace of mind. So feel free to take your time, snap some photos, take some measurements to make sure it’ll fit in your dining room, whatever you need to feel good about this. If you decide you want it, just let me know and I’ll help you carry it out into your U-Haul.

You did rent a U-Haul, right?