1. Honey, This Mirror Isn't Big Enough for the Two of Us

2. Pete Wentz is the Only Reason We're Famous

3. What Makes You Think You Can Just Walk in Here and I Have to Drop Everything I’m Doing Just to Make You Happy

4. I've Got a Dark Alley and a Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth

5. There’s a Good Reason These Tables are Numbered, Honey. You Just Haven’t Thought of It Yet.

6. I Was Starting to Think You Were Avoiding Me But Now I See You’re Like That With Everyone

7. I Don’t Want to Know What Your Two Favorite Things Are if One of Them Isn’t Me

8. Jude Law and a Semester Abroad

9. I Wish I Could Work Less and Travel More (You Know What I Mean?)

10. Prostitution is the World's Oldest Profession (And I, Dear Madame, Am a Professional)

11. I Slept With Someone in Fall Out Boy and All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me

12. Sorry, Honey, But I Don’t Think I Could Ever Be Vegan

13. I’m Sorry I Never Read The Catcher in the Rye

14. Being From Jersey Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry

15. Celiac’s Disease is a Real Affliction Not Many People Talk About Openly, And I Appreciate You Asking Me About It, But I’m Fine (Really, I’m Fine)

16. It’s Not a Fashion Statement, It’s a Deathwish

17. I Cut Myself Again (Do You Have a First Aid Kit?)

18. Dairy-Free Does Not Mean Guilt-Free, Honey

19. I’ll Inoculate the World With the Virus of My Disillusionment

20. I Liked You Better Before You Were Naked on the Internet

21. Sleepless in Seattle is Not All It’s Cracked Up to Be, Honey

22. The Difference Between Medicine and Poison is the Dose

23. Bottomless Mimosas For $15.99 Sounded Like a Wonderful Idea at the Time

24. So Long, and Thanks for all the Booze

25. I Slept With Pete Wentz and All I Got Was HPV

26. I’m Not Crying. You’re Not Crying, Are You?

27. Overrated and Not Worth the Wait

Emo songs: 1, 2, 4, 5, 8, 10, 11, 14, 16, 19, 20, 22, 24, 26 
Brunch: 3, 6, 7, 9, 12, 13, 15, 17, 18, 21, 23, 25, 27