Professor Quotes

Prof B: ...And no internet speak or insulting language.
Teacher's Pet Girl: Yeah, if you do that you shouldn't even be in college! Idiots!!
Prof B: And the paper is 2000 words...
Teacher's Pet Girl: (whining) But that's so much! I have a final in another class next week can't it be shorter?
-On working hard at not working

Professor H: Here at Southern Methodist University, we sometimes get calls from the crazies.
Linds: I LOVE THE CRAZIES!
Professor H: You are one of the crazies.
-Spicing up an OChem lecture

Prof B: You must include your course name and number...
Interrupting Girl: Wait! Like our phone number??
-Talking about how to write a paper during a 300 level class

Professor: Anyone have any problems with the play?
Random Guy: Yeah, I got a problem with that play.
Professor: What's that?
Random Guy: I ain't seen NO bridge in that whole play!
-Discussing the play "A View FROM the Bridge" during class

"...So then everyone complained about prices going up for things like salad that they bought every day, but they never thought about how much prices rose for, say, airline companies. Do you know how much salad you can buy for the price of a 747?"
-Professor Lalande, on overlooked economics

"Alright, we need to get cracking on our analysis of this novel, which is a pretty daunting task since it contains a lot of big words and you aren't bright."
-Professor Sturgess, on conflicts of interest

Prof. S: You dont know for a fact that I have a penis...
Female Student: (just staring)
Prof. S: And damn you for judging me for it.
-During a discussion on feminism

"I think we're gonna have to use the N-word!"
-Professor Morris, getting excited for upcoming novels

"You can not sex children! It is just not done!"
-Professor Alan K. Outram, on skeleton gendering

Professor Baron: Where's the rest of the class?
Chen: They're already upstairs.
Professor Baron: They're waiting for me? They're probably going to jump me. I need to find a weapon!
-Mutiny in English class

Professor Baron: What are you up to?
Girl: I have to go to Starbucks. They didn't give me a knife for my bagel.
Professor Baron: How could they do that? Do you want me to go with you? We'll make a huge scene.
-Fueling the drama at Starbucks

Random Girl: Aw, he looks just like you.
Professor Baron: Well he is my son... I think.
-On latent issues of paternity

Professor Allen: What do you call it when there is a party with a bunch of guys and not a lot of girls?
Student #1: Dude-fest?
Student #2: Sausagefest?
Professor Allen: That's it! India is basically like a huge sausage fest.
-Using college lingo to help those dumb kids get it

"Zach, the music was wonderful, except for a few places that sounded like my cat getting stuck in an escalator. Please fix that."
-Professor Nugent, offering semi-constructive criticism during music practice

Marlon: Gee Professor, you're pretty good in the dark!
Professor Gupta: Hey, you know why that is, right?
-While giving a demonstration in a very drak photo lab