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Professor Quotes
Professors are a strange breed. They're either too smart, totally oblivious, or anti-social. Here we capture their best/worst moments.
Submit your quotes here!
"Basically the Lewis and Clark expedition was a big multicultural clusterfuck."
-Professor Hickey, on major historical undertakings
"So if you're not masturbating, what are you doing for fun?"
-Professor Nilson, after discussing child stimulation in the Victorian Era
Professor Jorge: Einstein said "a fact is a stupid thing."
Hillary: Is that a fact?
-During psychology
"One of the main things we know about chickens is...they're tasty."
-Professor Miller, analyzing William Carlos Williams poems
Professor Ford: I'm colorblind. I can't see green or red.
Lena: He couldn't see your shirt, Kristin.
Kristin: It's magenta! Wait, if you can't see someone's shirt, what do you see? Flesh?
-On default x-ray vision
"Pocahontas was about as ugly as homemade shit."
-Professor Rice, on Native Americans
"Oxygen is a whore."
-Professor Hamner, during an Organic II lecture
Professor Sanborn: Why do you think the first sound learned by children anywhere is '"mmm"? It comes from the natural sound made after suckling the breast.
Aaron: It is also learned from fraternity life?
-Deep thoughts during Spanish
Student: Is a book required?
Professor: Yes, it's a book report.
Student: Can't I just watch the movie?
-On recycling old tricks in college
Professor Heathcliff: Chris, your handwriting is the worst I have seen in all my years of teaching.
Chris: Yeah well, in ten years my handwriting will be better, but you'll still be.... well actually you'll probably be dead.
-Chris, to his retiring professor
"If I've learned anything in my life, it's to be faithful to my beliefs, my person, my desires, my person. If you give up, it's your choice!"
-Professor Brown, on that vague sense of security
Professor Dougherty: Is that wine?
(Student lifts up a glass)
Professor Dougherty: Well, it's 5 o'clock somewhere.
-On drinking at 9:30 in the morning
