Hey there! Just checking in. You ordered a tuna melt, right? Perfect, we’ll have that out for you in a couple minutes!

Hi, sorry to interrupt! So, it turns out we ran out of cheddar. Would Swiss be all right? Great, I’ll let them know.

So it looks like our last shipment of tuna just ran out. Not to worry! There’s another truckload coming in just a few.

Excuse me, so sorry! Chef Roberts was trying to open the new tuna can, and his thumb got stuck in the ring. It’s no problem at all. No need to change your order! Our kitchen boy Johnny’s just running to the store to grab some WD-40 so we can grease up Chef Roberts’ thumb.

Hey, so sorry to bother you again! So Chef Roberts was pulling really hard, and it seems like he yanked his finger right clean off. Yeah, like bone and all. No, yeah, it was pretty gruesome. Blood was everywhere. So we’re out of tuna again, but not to worry! Johnny just went back out to try to snag some more. Your order should be out in a jiffy!

Hey! It’s me, butting in again, whoops! So Johnny got the tuna and he was headed back here with it, but he got in a little accident. What kind of accident? Oh, it seems like Johnny couldn’t see much in the downpour, and he ended up driving straight into a steamroller. Yeah, unfortunately it was moving, and it did roll him over and make a loud crunch sound. No, yeah, he didn’t make it, but he was conscious in the hospital through hours of pain before we finally lost him. Gosh, your sandwich was so close to being ready!

Sorry for interrupting! So, we were about to put in a new order for a fresh batch of tuna, but we just got a call from Johnny’s parents. Yeah, they weren’t too happy that we sent him out in those conditions, and they’re suing the restaurant. So, we rescinded our tuna order to divert the money towards legal fees. No, don’t worry about it! Don’t switch to turkey, your melt is still coming!

Hello, so sorry! I guess I should keep you posted on the legal saga, because you’re in as deep as I am! Ha-ha, just kidding, mostly. But don’t worry, we’re going to plant a couple of narcotics at the scene and give some false testimony to suggest he was driving under the influence. I just thought I’d tell you since it is your sandwich, after all.

Great news! We totally turned the case around and even got a massive defamation settlement from Johnny’s family for bringing the suit in the first place! Here’s a check for you from the settlement, pardon my reach. I know you said you didn’t want to testify, but we did attribute a quote to you to really sell the whole thing. Thanks for helping us out! His reputation with his family is ruined. God, you should’ve seen how his wife cried when they read the verdict!

Oh, and by the way, so sorry about this, there’s just been a slight delay with your sandwich. We’re out of sourdough. Would wheat be okay?