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Friday, January 18
Today's lessons in modern college
philosophy are brought to you by Professor Wery of Seattle University:
Jake: I need to go outside. I'm
gonna cry.
Professor Wery: No! You can cry in
here!
-On open discussion
Jake: Are you calling me fat?
Professor Wery: No, I'm calling you
loud and obnoxious.
-On the same difference
"I really need to eat, and I'm gonna suffer, and so are you."
-Professor Wery, on transitive hunger pangs
"How can you turn this in? Have you no shame?"
-Professor Wery, on poor performance
"Remember, this was a punishment homework."
-Professor Wery, on stern reminders
"Class is almost over. We'll have a moment of silence. Stare at the
wall."
-Professor Wery, on anonymous remembrance
"Physical violence is never the answer. Take it outside if it is."
-Professor Wery, on simple exceptions
"One of you, you Judas, you broke into my car and broke my windows and
took my stereo."
-Professor Wery, pointing in fact
Wednesday, January 16
"I have a penis, she didn't, we're just too different."
-Jonathan, explaining his last break up
Vanderbilt University
"Dude! You remember that time in high school with a gorilla? That was
great!"
-Josh, leaving his friends completely
clueless
Austin Peay State University
Evan: Hey, did you hook up with
anyone last night?
Zack: Dude, I couldn't have had sex
with anything last night...not even my hand.
-Morning conversation between housemates
University of Akron
"This book is extremely depressing. Read a chapter, then go have a fuck
with your boyfriends. If you cram the whole book in the night before the
test, you'll end up in a psych ward."
-Professor H, keeping his students' best
interests at heart
Southern Methodist
University
"Dude, did you ever notice the extreme level of gayness in our
pictures?"
-Groove, voicing newfound concerns to Zack
about Facebook
University of Akron
"Jay, where are you going to stick it?"
-Professor Veeck, apparently asking the TA
where to upload a file
Western Michigan University
Random Guy: What are you girls doing
tonight?
Kate: Going to see Jason Mraz.
Random Guy: Oh, I was just seeing if
you wanted to go to mass…
-Thursday night pick up lines at a Catholic
school
University of St. Thomas
Kaysha: Good lord this thing is
huge!
Keith: Wow.
Kaysha: Oh my god I just took the
lord's name in vain in a church! AHH I just did it again! ...OK, we need
to go now.
Keith: What, are you afraid God is
going to strike you down in the church now?
-In a large German gothic cathedral during a trip to Germany
Colorado State University
Jesse: Is that a fanny pack?
Professor Starfire: Yeah.... Is that
gay?
-And yes, that's his real and whole name...
he had it legally changed
Seattle University
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