Dear Broadway.com,

Sorry to bother you, but I’ve got a serious problem. For the past week I’ve been searching for a dubstep version of the musical Wicked. But every time I Google the phrase “Wicked dubstep” I just get a bunch of awesome dubstep songs. Obviously this is NOT what I’m looking for. Please let me know if you have any suggestions.

Thanks!

Hey Broadway.com,

It’s me again. It’s been a few days and you never got back but I’m still super interested in finding Wicked dubstep. And by that I mean dubstep from Broadway’s hit 2003 musical Wicked. Not the sick beats I currently get whenever type “Wicked dubstep” into Google. I know you’ve got a ton of Broadway people over there and I was hoping you could help me out.

Please let me know!

Hey again Broadway.com,

It’s me. Please respond. I’ve been doing a lot more Google searches. Let me know where I messed up:

  • “Wicked dubstep”
  • “Give me Wicked dubstep”
  • “Wicked dubstep but not badass dubstep”
  • “Wicked musical dubstep”
  • “Wicked musical dubstep because it is from the musical Wicked, not because all dubstep is music”
  • “Elphaba dubstep Wicked show me Wicked dubstep Google”

Thanks Broadway.

Broadway.com,

It is me. More specifically, I am looking for a version of the Wicked song “Popular” where Kristin Chenoweth’s character (Glinda the good witch) tries to make Idina Menzel’s character (Elphaba the bad witch) popular. I think it is a really good song and I’m also super into dubstep so I thought it would be sweet if you could combine these two things. But whenever I Google “Popular dubstep” I just get a bunch of Top 40 bullshit by Skrillex and Flux Pavilion. This is worse than when I Google “Wicked dubstep” because I’ve already heard all this stuff.

Seriously. Help me out.

Dear assholes at Broadway.com,

I know you have a dubstep version of “Defying Gravity” where Idina sings “it’s time to try” and then the bass drops when she sings the title of the song. I cannot believe that IN ALL OF BROADWAY no one wants to give me their copy of Wicked dubstep.

The hell?

Broadway.com,

I will take a dubstep version of “March of the Witch-Hunters.” Or even that terrible song where the goat sings. As long as it is dubstep from Wicked and not wicked dubstep. I’ve listened to all of Google’s wicked dubstep because I thought it might be Wicked dubstep but it wasn’t.

It was just wicked dubstep.

Dear Broadway.com,

The goat song is called “Something Bad (Is Happening in Oz)” and it is shit. But I would still love a dubstep version of it.

DEAR BROADWAY!

IT HAS BEEN MONTHS!

PLEASE RESPOND!

Dear Broadway.

Wicked by Stephen Schwartz taught us to be nice to everyone even green people. All I want is some Wicked dubstep.

Hey dickweeds at Broadway.com.

I hope you’re happy.

I hope you’re happy how you hurt your cause forever.

I hope you think you’re clever.

Those last three emails were from Wicked.

But how kickass would it be if they were dubstep?

Dear Broadway.com,

I love the musical Cats and I’m currently looking for some sick-as-hell recordings of Cats on Broadway. But whenever I google “sick Cats” I just get a bunch of dumb pet websites. Obviously this is not what I want.

Please help me out AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!