Greetings From Your Left-Out Friend Who Doesn’t Know How to Play Settlers of Catan
I propped cushions and draped a blanket to be safe from the hospitable elements--the laughter, the bonding, the strengthening over some foolish game.
Tag: Security
Did You Forget Your Password, You Stupid Bitch?
Security question: What is your maternal grandmother’s first name? We know you paused to remember which side maternal is, you unlearned horse’s ass.
Economy Hotel Chain Celebrates 100 Days Since Last Homicide With Double Award Points
I want to assure Rewards Members that we are now extending free counseling to all members and not just Gold-Level as with past homicides.
The Best Fyre Festival Content Coming Out in 2019
"Fyre Fight": An anticipatory look back at the time-wasting Fyre Fest content wars of 2019.
The Weekend Diary Entry of a MAGA Teen
Did I mention my mom only gave me a hundred bucks in spending cash? She might as well have handed me Monopoly money. That’s just bad planning.
The Survival Guide for Open Mics
The Musician: This Jason Mraz-wannabe thought this mic was for music, but ended up in a cafe full of comedians and stuck it out for some reason.
I Will Continue to Block the Slide Until We Build a Wall Separating Our Recess from Mrs. Montgomery’s Class
Many have told me that there would not be a problem in the first place if I would just get out of the way. Unfortunately, that isn't how I see it.
The Essential Infowars Supplements
Super Male Vitality: We went to a gas station and bought every dick pill that we could. Then we crushed them up and put them into a vial.
I’m a Cholesterol Molecule and I’m Sick of All This Fat Shaming
Doctors always say things like "watch that cholesterol." They are unwarrantedly suspicious and overtly vigilante over an entire group. It's profiling!
How to Get Past Your Baseball Team Losing in the Playoffs…Again
If your friend's team was the one that eliminated your team, tell them they can see you at your funeral.