Security | Page 2 | Points in Case

Tag: Security

If you SEE something delicious, SAY “that looks yummy!” If you SEE something nutritious, SAY “I think I’ll go back to the yummy thing from earlier.”

Despite being “Employee of the Month” at the Chili’s I work at, this pales in comparison to the abysmal feeling of not being a billionaire.

Wrap yourself from the neck down in Saran Wrap, and then ask a friend to spray lukewarm water between you and the plastic with a garden hose.

Once your laptop reboots, please use the following case-sensitive password to log in: MyNameIsToddAndImAFuckingIdiot

Hapless criminals looking for qualified candidate to provide wakeup service to a suburban Chicago family with an early morning flight.

I hear people claim the internet is watching their every move, and I say "Are my moves not worthy?"

Rose* (Human Resources Officer, 1999-Present): He walked into this office on his very first day with that Hot Pocket.

I always knew I was meant for something greater, something I can truly touch people with, and get as much cash and booty in the process as possible.

As I’ve come down with a bad case of wet-ass this summer (medical condition), Marcus could easily catch me and force me to share the bicycle.

Provide your real name. Slappy, Mr. Chuckles, Giggle Master, Miss Jiggles-a-Lot, and Happy Pappy are not legal names we recognize.

Wait a minute, if this busker is singing “Private Eyes” again, that means that he’s starting his repertoire again from the top.

You'll be on hold for at least 45 minutes before you hang up in an impotent rage, so may I help you with anything else before I transfer you over?