- Two of the three Paul McCartney clones
- Last known can of Crystal Pepsi
- The good batteries for your remote control
- A Totino’s Pizza Roll that is an even temperature inside and out
- Bigfoot, Chupacabra, but not Mothman (he’s a real jerk)
- An IKEA dresser that doesn’t cause a breakup
- Worn out Blu-Ray of Independence Day with Director’s Commentary
- Amelia Earhart (not the famous one)
- The Day the Clown Cried blooper reel
- The Atari E.T. games they couldn’t fit in the New Mexico landfill
- Multi-dimensional time traveler who can infect others with his passive-aggressiveness (and honestly it’s refreshing how low his standards are)
- 1992 Super Bowl Champion Buffalo Bills T-Shirts (and 2027 Super Bowl Champion Buffalo Bills T-Shirts, thanks to our time-traveling friend)
- Every one of your childrens’ missing socks
- Four members of the Bonanno crime family at their very cushy, no-work jobs
- The Community movie
- Directions to the lost city of Atlantic (toll route)
- The 11th Commandment
- Phil McBrewster, a nice guy who overstayed his welcome
- Your parents’ WiFi password
- A game of Monopoly without any missing pieces
- The real Slim Shady
- An alternate history where you didn’t blow out your knee in the big High School State Championship Game and could’ve gone pro
- Emergency Department of Defense rations of McRibs
- The Backup President
- Interstellar munitions to fight back the aliens coming to retrieve their Paul McCartney clones
Resources