Be tidy. If you have showered in body fluids, towel off before excursions.
But you’re shit out of luck if you think one of these spider aliens is going to move unrealistically slowly, giving me just enough time to shoot it.
I honestly don’t know what I did before I conquered the Choff Quadrant and seized their Time Hex, sending them into a thousand years of chaotic darkness.
I am a human from Earth, but please don't hold that against me. I believe that this is an asset, as I have witnessed what not to do with a planet
We parked our vehicle in several spots over the two-week period. No matter which spot we occupied, a human would tell us we were in “their spot.”
You know I only pick my nose because I have to. My doctor says if I don’t pick my nose, I won’t be able to breathe out of it.
I Am an Alien Colonizer of the Planet Formerly Known as Earth, and I Assure You the Sports Team We Named After You Isn’t Racist
We were trying to get to Uranus, and had mistaken your planet for our intended destination. So we started calling you bipeds "Uranuses."
When your body dies, want your mind to stay alive? Sure, you do! With HAUNTED LIVING, LLC implant your ghost in any solid object.
“Synonyms for ‘laugh’ include ‘chortle,’ ‘gurgle,’ ‘snicker,’ and ‘titter,’” Commander Garm told the dead alien for no discernible reason.
Banners will fly, in all major cities, bearing my image and a few of my most famous words. There are so many.
Get Dressed Every Morning - Even if you don’t expect to be in public, remember to put on your human skin suit every morning.
Don’t dwell on the minds you’ve violated in the past or plan to violate in the future. Focus on the minds you’re violating in the present.