We’ve Been Observing Your Earth—We Give It a Four
Canyons, however, are terrible. They’re like backwards mountains, but long. There’s nothing grand about that.
Tag: Aliens
Are You a Human Sending a Circle Back Email, or an Alien Making a Crop Circle?
Your message may simply be too sophisticated to be understood by lower life forms.
Now That Everyone Knows Aliens Exist, Can I Please Hang Out with You Guys after Work?
I offered to shapeshift so that I look exactly like Kevin or even just wear a baseball cap if it would be helpful.
Aliens Exist… and They’re Freaking Babes
Atheists say there are no higher powers, but the first time you see a Neptoid’s sponges you’ll realize atheists don’t know shit.
A Being of Supreme Intelligence from Outer Space Has a Few Questions About the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Okay, first of all: do you know Lisa Rinna? And is she nearby? Ideally I’d be talking to her. We Enlightened Ones worship her as a god.
Human Sunbathing Explained to the Aliens
No, the sun does not have any terrestrial healing powers, but it can fry your skin and inflict life-threatening disease.
Strange UFO Encounters in Dooglesbury, Iowa
September 21st, 10:02 PM: “The Big Stinker” spotted again three miles away, hovering outside an elderly woman’s second-story window.
Why Our New Ad Campaign Only Targets Reptilian-Human Hybrids
The government began funding the reptilian-human-hybrid breeding program in the late 1940s. The perfect age to discover the wonders of retirement living.
Everything at Area 51, Besides the Aliens
Bigfoot, Chupacabra, but not Mothman (he’s a real jerk)
How to Be an Agreeable Long-Term Alien Guest
Be tidy. If you have showered in body fluids, towel off before excursions.
You’re Going to Get Eaten by That Spider Alien
But you’re shit out of luck if you think one of these spider aliens is going to move unrealistically slowly, giving me just enough time to shoot it.
Empress Sq’ree-XII’s Favorite Things
I honestly don’t know what I did before I conquered the Choff Quadrant and seized their Time Hex, sending them into a thousand years of chaotic darkness.