Choosing Your Tinnitus Ringtone
Choose a ringtone that’s right for you, your lifestyle, and your tolerance for the incessant cacophony of crickets inside your head jar.
Tag: Music
This Church Service Would Be Way Better If the Youth Band Drummer Got into It More
Leadeth these people past the still waters and into a heavenly double-time breakdown. Let the angels proclaim the glory of that sick beat.
Boomer Anthems Reimagined by Millennials
I Got You Babe (And By “You” I Mean Rude Comments on Your TikTok)
I Am Surprise Releasing My Album, Technically, Because Nobody Knows Who I Am
Ah, the thrill of the entertainment industry, of which I am now a part as of several hours ago.
Fact or Myth? Setting the Record Straight on Miles Davis
Statement: Miles Davis’ career led to the discovery of acoustic soft-beach rocker Jack Johnson. Ruling: Myth. Again, no.
Metallica’s Clue and Other Metal Board Games
Iron Maiden’s Trivial Pursuit: All questions pertain to the band’s twelve-minute songs which sum up a book you were supposed to read in school but didn’t.
Perfect Songs for 12 Scenarios When You’re Shaving Parmesan over a Plate of Fettuccine Alfredo and Waiting for the Patron to Say “When”
When it’s clear the patron isn’t saying “when” anytime soon and your mind starts to wander.
Aging Rock Star Performance Reinstatement Application
If with a group, how many surviving members are there? Of those who are still living, how many look like Keith Richards?
I’m “John-At-The-Bar” and Whatever Billy Joel May Say, I Always Followed Corporate Policy
First off, my name is Jonathan. No one called me John, except Billy Joel. So were we really even friends?
Announcement: I Am Getting into Classical Music
Beethoven, Mozart, the one who wrote the song that plays during "Ocean’s 11" when they’re looking at the fountains. Yup, all those guys. And probably more.
Phil Collins Portmanteaus
Phork: This is an eating utensil composed of a traditional fork and a Phil Collins action figure.
Christmas Songs Detailing the Sordid Saga of Santa’s Elfskin Boots
(Hark! The Herald Angels Sing) Hush! Santa will hear our plotting, He’s gone mad, brain is rotting. We should organize a coup, Before he makes new boots from you.