Taylor Swift — You think of yourself as having distinguished taste. You like the look of old machines, the kind that other people call “outdated.” You knew that Lady Ashby planned to change her will to benefit her new husband rather than you and your brother; you broke into her room after her death to destroy it. Sometimes you come off as reserved even though you’re trying to be friendly, or as having possibly committed the murder even though you were in the study the whole time

Fearless — You’re a cheerful, happy-go-lucky person who trusts in others. You see the glass as half-full, not half-empty. That includes the glass of tea which, as her personal maid, you brought to Lady Ashby the day she died. You didn’t see that in the five minutes between your setting it in front of Lady Ashby’s door and her taking it in to drink, someone added something that made it rather less empty, or, as perhaps you’d say, more full.

Speak Now — Your friends all know you’re the one to come to when they want to share some particularly juicy gossip, or hear it. You have a talent for nitty-gritty details, and often end up managing projects you were never a part of. People who meet you assume you’re very confident and together, but the ones who know you see the anxiety underneath. Oddly enough, your choosing this album told me nothing about where you were at the time of Lady Ashby’s untimely demise, but according to my normal investigation, you’re innocent.

Red — You have excellent taste in Taylor Swift music. All of Swift’s albums have gems, but Red is a gem. Red redefined pop music, and rightly so. The eclectic styles, the pristine production, Swift’s playful lyrics all come together to make one perfect album, and I respect you for seeing that. Unfortunately, it does also mean that you poisoned Lady Ashby.

1989 — You’re not the same person on weekends as at work. You like to work hard and– Um, excuse me. I’ve still got four albums to get through. Let me talk, please. Lady Ashby has been your benefactor for several years but– No, I won’t go back to talking about Red. Red is an important album, but it’s only one part of the larger sweep of her career. Sometimes, strangers call you– Oh, well maybe YOU should have revealed who the murderer was, since you know SO MUCH about how to do it!

reputation — Okay, I’ll talk a little bit more about the murderer since that’s all you apparently care about. I think it’s a fair compromise that if I skip over one album, it should be reputation, not 1989, am I right? Anyway, Lady Ashby was blackmailing him in order to get money to fight the legal challenge to the will. He made a perfect plan to kill the Lady, but he made one crucial mistake. He’s a free spirit and he likes it when– LET ME TALK!

Lover — Okay, okay, I’m getting that it was probably a bad idea to do all the albums in chronological order when the murderer was early enough to be in the country-influenced part of Swift’s career. That’s on me. But on the other hand, I think something is lost by not considering these works as part of a broader saga. Actually, that was the killer’s one mistake: Red is perfect on its own, but in the context of Swift’s career it’s a myopic choice.

Folklore/Evermore — You like to just sit quietly with your friends and watch nature. You’re a kind soul in a cruel world, and you don’t let it make you mean. People tell you to stop talking about Taylor Swift, but you never will. Everyone should be nicer to you and you’re a good detective.


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