So Who’s the Real Monster in All This?
Who is the real monster here? The tentacled creature lurking in the vapor outside… or were you all the real monster this whole time?
Tag: Military
Judah Maccabee, M.D. — No, Not That Maccabee
If this is a medical emergency or if suspicious men are breaking into your place of worship, hang up and dial 911.
Your Ego’s Writing Checks Your Body Can’t Cash! That’s Why You’re the Perfect Candidate for Our Top Gun Overdraft Protection Program
You’re in the top one percent of all naval aviators, with "a need, a need for speed." But I think you have a serious need for fiscal responsibility.
Rise and Grind: A Day in the Life of an Alpha Leader
6:00 AM: VOICE AS WEAPON! Silence any interfering neighbor with necessary action.
Abraham Lincoln’s Address at the Gettysburg Target
We cannot hallow—this ground, except of course by playing a consciousness-altering stream of Christmas songs in November and December without pause.
We, the Deep State, Concede That All Your Conspiracy Theories Are True
In 1960 at our Annual Goat Blood-A-Palooza & Family Fun Day, we saw a vision of you, the chosen one. We’ve been trying to sabotage you ever since.
The Top 8 Pop Songs of the CIA’s Back Catalog
"Guantanamo," The Beach Boys (2005). This re-make of "Kokomo" failed to rebrand Guantanamo Bay as the Key Largo of military detention facilities.
Announcing Phantom Fireworks’ Patriotic “We Kick Ass” Display
Our patented "Mega Explosion" technology will detonate into the shape of the Union Jack, then a middle finger, followed by the word “America.”
I’m Spartacus and I’m Sick and Tired of All These Wannabes
I’m stuck in a dungeon with Team Crucifixion. We’re anticipating a future as a unique tourist feature along the Appian Way.
5 Incredibly Stupid Things That Would Still Make Way More Sense to Commemorate Than the Confederacy
When IHOP changed its name to IHOB for like 2 weeks. Was it stupid? Was it as stupid as 11 states fighting to maintain the right to own human beings?
Antifa Job Postings, According to Republicans
Have experience with peaceful protesting but want to take it to the NEXT LEVEL? Often described as "the last person someone would suspect of being a criminal"?
The Unfortunate Consequences of My Writing During the Time of COVID-19
Banners will fly, in all major cities, bearing my image and a few of my most famous words. There are so many.