Rides We Will Immediately Be Destroying at Croceworld, the Jim Croce Amusement Park
Workin' at the Car Wash Ride – Just a way we got free labor by asking parkgoers to buff all the scratches out of the Bad Bad Leroy Brown Bumper Car.
Tag: Military
Slack Thread About Betsy Ross’ New Flag Design
>Were all of the stakeholders of our young nation truly involved in the process for developing this? >What if the stars were blue on a white background? >>>>Stars aren’t blue. C’mon, be real! >>>>They should be silver, then.
Colonel Sanders Was a Union Officer and Will Therefore Not Be Cancelled
Sanders graduated from Transylvania University with honors in Afro-Caribbean Studies, Women and Sexuality Studies, and Herbalism ‘n’ Spicesism.
Republicans Deliver Thoughts and Prayers
From: Mike Pence Gracious Lord White Jesus, thank you for Chick-Fil-A. A family-friendly chicken restaurant that never uses the word “brea*t.”
New World Order Seeking Enthusiastic Intern (Spring 2019)
We are looking for an energetic, passionate intern approximately 80-83 years old with an ability to learn and grow with the organization.
A Message from the Scientists Who Created the Gigantic Fire-Breathing Chicken Monster
And is it our fault the Giant Fire-Breathing Chicken-Killing Ray Gun didn’t work at all, and only made the giant chicken more powerful than ever?
Mar-a-Lago Bath Bombs
Use the (Space) Force: Lavender, yuzu, and citrus form their own sixth military branch... mission: self-care!
How to Make an Atom Bomb While Your Roommates Are Out of Town
Use a plastic spatula to separate the heavier U-238 isotopes on the outside from the lighter, fluffier U-235 isotopes in the center.
Rating Submarines Based on How Good They Are for Escaping Brunch Plans You Forgot You Agreed To
A handy guide to deciphering which deep sea submersible to pick when running away from the ill-advised Sunday brunch plans you made.
I’m Kevin Bacon’s Character from “Tremors” and I Vehemently Oppose Gun Control Legislation
Put yourself in my shoes, trapped in the middle of the desert with underground nightmare creatures waiting to devour you at any given moment.
Introducing Jack Daniel’s Hotspots
Developed in our top-secret lab deep in the bedrock below our cave spring, each and every Jack Drone is crafted to exacting standards.
A White House Statement on Iran for America’s Bros
The big boy used his new moon to rock nuky cappos, support beezies, and pushed a hard line throughout the Middle E-Town and beyond.