Signs That the Company You Work for Has Been Acquired by a Billionaire
In order to save space, your cubicle has been converted into two pyramidicles.
Tag: Lists
Tom Cruise or Thomas the Tank Engine?
Despite going through a few trainwrecks in his career, he’s managed to survive them all and continue to get roles as a steamy, leading man.
Solutions to Traffic Congestion the City Is Willing to Try
Asking everybody to scooch over. Or tilt the city a little bit so that everybody rolls one way.
Customer Satisfaction Survey: Please Rate Your Recent Visit to View the Sunset
Was the Sun clean, odor-free, safe, and professional in appearance? How satisfied were you with your wait time for the Sun to set?
Imaginary Blurbs on the Cover of My 4th Grade Book Report
“Absolutely gripping—by the time you reach the end, you’ll have no doubt that the main theme in Charlotte’s Web is friendship.”
A Guide to Discussing March Madness from a Man Who Just Wants to Fit In at Work
When someone mentions "that Marquette shot from '97," nod and say something noncommittal like, "Hoo yeah, that ol' can of worms!"
Movies with Animal Titles Reviewed by Their Titular Animals
Anaconda on "Anaconda" (1997) Hell yeah, brother. ★★★★
A Scene from “The Banshees of Inishirin” or a Scene from Any of the Four St. Patrick’s Days I Had at College?
Someone chokes on a finger and vomits.
People Talking About Dentist Appointments the Way They Talk About Basketball
Dr. Pacini’s always been good, but now he’s got the best hygienists in the business. They’re a root canal dream team.
Things That I, a Millennial Born in the ’90s, Would Rather Do than Make a Phone Call
- Repeat grades six and seven, objectively my most awkward years - Untangle holiday lights - Menstruate for an entire month
Is He Cheating On You, a Serial Killer, or Just an Avid Birder?
- He’s been trying out different mating calls. - You’ve caught him googling “Brown Booby,” “Great Tit,” and “Cock-of-the-Rock.”
Biblical Figures Stub Their Toe
Cain: Cain is in pain! Abel: I'm un-Abel to walk comfortably!