Please Donate to My GoFundMe for My Splinter
Time is not my friend. Bacteria from the splinter is multiplying, as I text. I can feel sepsis is setting in. I only have one, two days tops.
Tag: Friends
Maybe This Ransom Note Is Just What I Needed
Until you are told you otherwise, you are only allowed to use cannabis on weekends.
Our Friendcation Will Be Planned Behind John Rawls’s Veil of Ignorance
It seems obvious that this tool for organizing a multicultural liberal democracy would be perfect for organizing a short vacation for a group of friends who’ve slowly drifted apart since college.
We Seem to Pee at the Same Time, Fellow Coworker—Now We’re Best Friends
Then, as if predestined by God himself, I walked into the bathroom at 3:45 PM and there you were: my new best friend.
An Exhaustive, Step-by-Step Guide to Buying Tickets to a Young Pop Star’s Concert as a 30-Something
Receive an unsubscribe message that says “Based on your age we think you may be more interested in The Lumineers.” Now, it’s personal.
I’m Excited to Join Your Run Club for All the Right Reasons
I don’t expect to meet anyone by joining your Club, but I wouldn’t be upset if someone asked about me. Has anyone asked about me yet?
Cover Letter for Joining the Friend Group
I’ve read that Forbes named your circle as one of America's best groups to befriend in 2024.
If You’re Anything Like Me
If you’re like me, you also have compassion and empathy. So when you realize the traffic is because of a major collision, you go from frustrated to concerned.
Yes, I Am Your Evil Doppelgänger. No, I Do Not Want to Take over Your Life
Sorry, I don’t mean to nag. I’m your shadow-self, not your mother.
I Feel Like You’re Only Friends with Me Because of My Printer
You interjected to ask if my depression over the breakup was the reason I had forgotten to buy a new fuchsia ink cartridge.
I Have Designated Myself as the Chief Operating Officer of This Fun Weekend Trip
Emily, I couldn’t help but notice you texted “we’re gonna soooooooooo fucked up. 🤪” Would you be willing to own next steps on that?
Let’s Be Bad!
Oh lord, here comes my nemesis: the dessert menu! If I get a slice of the tres leches cake, you’ll all have a bite, right?