An Oil Lobbyist Debunks “Clean Air Is Good” and Other Lies You’ve Been Told
If there’s not enough pollution in the air to do serious damage to your lungs, doctors will suddenly find themselves out of work.
Tag: America
It Pains Me to Give a 1-Star Review to the Re-Opened Colonial Williamsburg, but the Actors’ N95 Masks Were Obviously Historically Inaccurate
How am I supposed to believe a real colonial woman is teaching me to churn butter, when her flawless colonial outfit is tainted by latex gloves?
The PDX Protest Festival Lineup
A rundown of all the groups scheduled to appear at Portland's nightly protest, including Average Wife Band and They Might Be Half-Brothers.
Hey America, All Your Statues Suck (From the Ghost of Michelangelo)
Did no one in art school for the past two centuries take any notes in their Michelangelo class? They still spend a semester on me, right?
I Am a Log and I’m Running for President
As a proud deciduous piece of American timber, I now see it as my obligation to throw my hat in the ring or, more accurately, my rings in the ring.
How Can Anyone Think the Moon Landing Was Faked by Stanley Kubrick, When It Was Clearly Ingmar Bergman?
The flag looks like it's waving because Buzz Aldrin was twisting the flagpole and Ingmar Bergman had an innate gift for the composition of movement.
Definitely My Quarantine Morning Routine
I definitely don’t lay in bed motionless, hovering between sleep and wakefulness, until finally my hungry cat comes and scream-meows in my face.
I’m Your White Facebook Friend Who Never Left Their Hometown and I’m Here to Teach You about Conspiracy Theories
Did you know that Bill Gates actually invented racism? It’s something he put in all the vaccines. ALL OF THEM. But no, you probably don’t want to hear that.
Now’s Not the Time to Bring Up the Buzz Lightyear Toy Up My Ass, Right?
Things are changing in our country. But one thing that remains constant, however, is the Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck up my anus.
Announcing Phantom Fireworks’ Patriotic “We Kick Ass” Display
Our patented "Mega Explosion" technology will detonate into the shape of the Union Jack, then a middle finger, followed by the word “America.”
I’m a Feral Pigeon, and I’m Running to Replace the Bald Eagle as the Avian Symbol of American Freedom in 2020
As a real American bird, I’m going to get down on the ground and fight a sewer rat for half of a discarded Chalupa.
Quaint Towns to Visit Before They’re Completely Leveled by Music Festivals
Reine, Norway - This sleepy fishing village doesn’t have much time before it catches a lethal dose of Imagine Dragons.