Announcing Phantom Fireworks’ Patriotic “We Kick Ass” Display
Our patented "Mega Explosion" technology will detonate into the shape of the Union Jack, then a middle finger, followed by the word “America.”
Tag: America
I’m a Feral Pigeon, and I’m Running to Replace the Bald Eagle as the Avian Symbol of American Freedom in 2020
As a real American bird, I’m going to get down on the ground and fight a sewer rat for half of a discarded Chalupa.
Quaint Towns to Visit Before They’re Completely Leveled by Music Festivals
Reine, Norway - This sleepy fishing village doesn’t have much time before it catches a lethal dose of Imagine Dragons.
Self-Assessment: How Electable You Are for President Based on Your Religion
CHRISTIAN-CATHOLIC: Oh wow. Not a great choice. Sure, Catholics are technically Christians, but today’s voters require that you be "saved."
5 Incredibly Stupid Things That Would Still Make Way More Sense to Commemorate Than the Confederacy
When IHOP changed its name to IHOB for like 2 weeks. Was it stupid? Was it as stupid as 11 states fighting to maintain the right to own human beings?
Antifa Job Postings, According to Republicans
Have experience with peaceful protesting but want to take it to the NEXT LEVEL? Often described as "the last person someone would suspect of being a criminal"?
I Visited the Most Haunted Village in England
I climbed in the window of that cottage over there and the lady inside screamed. I don't know why. There were no ghosts in there. I checked.
How to Appear Woke While Improving Corporate Sales
Post on Instagram to both notify the public of your shared sentiment on their struggle while promoting Domino’s new $7.99 carryout special.
In These Difficult Times, Bank of America Is Here to Help You Pay Us the Money You Owe Us
One thing you don't have to worry about is how much money you owe us, because we keep track of the exact amount so you don't have to.
Hello and Welcome Aboard This Flight on America’s One Remaining Airline!
Today we’re flying a Communal Brain Space 1000. And through a partnership with Amazon, this aircraft runs 100% on recycled human suffering.
I’m the Sleepytime Tea Bear, and I Fuck
I'm a sex-positive ursidae in touch with my body and on fire with sexual empowerment. If you've seen a picture of me, I'm not even wearing pants.
We’re Sorry Our Roombas Are Killing You, But There’s Absolutely Nothing We Can Do
We want to make one thing perfectly clear: We will not be recalling our Roombas no matter how violent they get.