Comedy Articles

My Writing Style Is Best Described as a Cross Between Every Great Writer Ever

What no one seems to understand is that, as an artist, it’s my duty to pay homage to all the literary titans who have influenced me.

We’ve become one of those vanilla, mass-produced corporate couples we never wanted to be. Our relationship is nothing more than a light-hearted romp.

I think we can all agree that Janet’s character development has been virtually nonexistent since her divorce from Paul.

I matched the microwave, we were like cute twins. During dinner parties, people would say, "Wow, love the matching appliance set."

7:00 AM: Strategize – Inform your boss that you will be working remotely. Why? Get creative.

I AM IN AWE of how you pushed through your lower back pain and chronic prostatitis to get out the giant Rubbermaid containers of Lego.

I’m not like other guys. I’ve embraced my feminine side. Don’t you see my many rings?

I walked on and on, finally reaching the end of the line alongside Route 276 just outside King of Prussia, Pennsylvania.

Grab yerself a seat by the fire, take a swig of this here moonshine, and connect with me on LinkedIn.

The children do not eat fruits or vegetables. It’s important that they do not consume any kind of plant, nothing that has been grown of the earth.

I heard you call me a weenie under your breath and that makes it hard for me to focus. Could we all agree to put a moratorium on the word weenie?

I threw out my back yesterday and can’t even move today. I’m going to need to take a sick day. (Translation: My cat is sleeping on my lap)