Like many men who hear about Serena Williams and that she plays tennis, I told everyone I knew that I could beat her. I said the phrase “no contest” several times. I guess word got back to her and, well, she had a hankering for a spank-ering. On a related note, I once saw a hoodie that said “results or excuses” on it. The result was that I came in second in the match, which is good, too. But if you were wanting to hear an excuse since we already know the result, these are fifteen.
- Woke up at 4 AM because I have a CEO mindset. The match took place way after 4 AM, so I was tired.
- Before match, stubbed toe while cleaning room to keep mind sharp.
- Wife did not go to Costco to pick up protein powder. Serena is own wife, can rely on self to arrange for protein powder.
- Was being a gentleman.
- Instead of keeping my eye on the ball, I was looking at a picture of big yacht.
- Just learned about boundaries from Jonah Hill and am still unclear on the difference between physical vs. conceptual (ran full tilt at net, got tangled).
- Was listening to podcast on 1.5x speed that I would actually be a better guest for than the guest who was on.
- Was thinking of sex every 7 seconds. So 6/7 seconds was tennis instead of 7/7. Serena thinking about tennis all 7.
- The best offense is a good defense. When you're on defense you don't score any points, so I scored no points.
- I had only practiced on a Wii at my Nana's nursing home. This is because I have to visit her so she doesn't give her money to my cousins who don't even have any once-in-a-lifetime opportunities.
- Was thinking about favorite moments from Hacksaw Ridge.
- Was thinking about favorite moments from when I would beat Serena even though I was then losing very bad with no signs of turnaround.
- Serena probably cheated (which is worse since she is a woman. For me, a man, to cheat would be a biological instinct/cool.)
- Already lost to Venus. Don’t want to cause cat-fight. Meow!
- I have never played tennis.
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