The Longest Day – Your dad wants to spend more time with you.

The Bridge on the River Kwai – Your dad thinks you should stand up to your boss at work. You say he’s a fathead, right? Well, then give him what-for! In fact, you should be in charge!

Empire of the Sun – Your dad gets nostalgic when he remembers you as a kid. Just look at little Christian Bale, bravely eating those weevils! And to think, he grew up to be Batman! Whereas you grew up to sit on your ass and eat Fruity Pebbles three meals a day.

Downfall – Your dad doesn’t want to spend that much time with you.

Flags of Our Fathers and Letters from Iwo Jima double feature – Your dad is still trying to convince you that Clint Eastwood can’t be racist. Look, this whole second movie is from the Japanese point of view! You’re just mad about the chair thing. As soon as this four-and-a-half hour history lesson is over, your dad has some OANN articles for you to read.

From Here to Eternity – There are things your father wants to say to you, but he doesn’t know how. He loves your mother very much—you know that. But sometimes, in a relationship, you need… that is, your mother doesn’t understand… wow, just look at Deborah Kerr on that beach. Say, let’s get some ice cream.

Dunkirk – Your dad feels… lonely, cut off, estranged from you? He forgives you, the way Mark Rylance forgives Cillian Murphy for being a damn coward and accidentally hurting that boy? He wishes you’d stop mumbling like Tom Hardy? This one’s confusing.

I Was a Male War Bride – Your dad is almost—but not quite—ready to accept that you’re gay.

Saving Private Ryan – Your dad thinks of himself as Tom Hanks. He wishes you were more like Matt Damon, but knows you’re really more like the dumbass who takes off his helmet on the Normandy beach and immediately gets shot in the head.

1917 – Gotcha! This is a World War I movie! Your father doesn’t love you.

Gallipoli – Your dad is worried that you might develop plantar fasciitis like he did a few years back. You want to borrow his old insoles? They’re still inside the Nikes he hasn’t worn since the Kaepernick thing.

Schindler’s List – He finds it hard to say it, but your father loves you. He’d do anything for you. You are his little girl in the red coat. At times he may seem harsh or even cruel, and he knows he’s done things in the past that have hurt you, but he would make any sacrifice—money, comfort, his own life—for your safety and happiness.

The Pianist – Your dad is almost—but not quite—ready to accept that you majored in music.


And now a quick joke...

My YouTube yoga instructor says to notice what’s around me (I notice there’s dust and hair all over my floor) then to do what feels good (so I don’t clean it up).