1. Spot cute dog.

2. Rush toward cute dog shouting, “Hi, buddy, look how cute you are!”

3. Wonder if I should ask cute dog’s owner before petting cute dog.

4. Pet cute dog.

5. Loudly ask cute dog if it will be my best friend.

6. Wonder if I’m being too much right now.

7. Dismiss concerns.

8. Lower self entirely to ground.

9. Pick cute dog up overhead (regardless of size).

10. Exclaim over cute dog’s cuteness.

11. Take 3 to 25 pictures of cute dog.

12. Wonder if I should have asked cute dog’s owner before taking pictures of cute dog.

13. Dismiss concerns.

14. Post all 3 to 25 pictures of cute dog to Instagram.

15. Claim cute dog as my own.

16. Wonder if I should have asked cute dog’s owner before taking cute dog home with me.

17. Dismiss concerns.

18. Kill cute dog’s owner.

19. Rename cute dog something that’s more “me.”

20. Purchase food and supplies for my cute dog.

21. Have my cute dog serve as ringbearer at my wedding in 3 to 25 years.

22. Enjoy years of happiness and fulfillment with my cute dog.

23. Return to park the next day.

**ENROLLMENT ENDS TONIGHT, MON JAN 20!** Interested in making comedy your career? Scott Dikkers, founding editor of The Onion and #1 NYT bestselling author, created Comedy Business School to teach you exactly how to do it through 5 learning modules.