Chapter One: Suzie, Do You Copy?

Summer is here, the gang’s all back, and something squirrelly is happening with the magnets. Everyone’s voice seems deeper, and they all tongue-kiss. This is happening around the same time as Chernobyl.

Chapter Two: The Mall Rats

The gang splits up. Magnets no longer stick to things, which is bad news for the fridge drawing of Sad Mom’s dead boyfriend from The Lord of The Rings. Cop Papa gets stood up on a date and goes home to take his shirt off.

Chapter Three: The Case of the Missing Lifeguard

The tweens break up with each other and head to the mall. The moms all go to the public pool and become horny as a team. Every rat’s blood explodes.

Chapter Four: The Sauna Test

The gang meets up at the gym as they each try to punch the hottest boy in town. Curly Girl has a touching feminist discussion with her mom about journalism. An elevator dupes four hopeful children.

Chapter Five: The Flayed

There’s a lot of sneaking around from everyone, behavior-wise. Two different sets of people discover two separate underground lairs underneath two unrelated buildings. Curly Girl lies about having a Grandma.

Chapter Six: E Pluribus Unum

The kids brawl with a glob of body parts at the hospital while some Russians give drugs to The Ice Cream Teens, accidentally causing them to have a bitchin’ time. Telekinesis Girl emotionally spies on the hottest boy in town for a good cause.

Chapter Seven: The Bite

With evil and death closing in around them, the kids watch Back to the Future. The townspeople celebrate the Fourth of July with classic American things like fireworks and a shooting.

Chapter Eight: The Battle of Starcourt

Everything comes to a head as a boy with underdeveloped teeth proves that he has 1) a girlfriend and 2) talent. The hottest boy in town learns a lesson. Cop Papa reschedules his date but immediately has a conflict. No one discusses Chernobyl, as it seems to still be on the hush-hush.

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