1. Joe Biden speaks in Wisconsin in front of a socially-distanced crowd of 50.

2. It’s a warm, Friday night. Joe Biden invites me into his Delaware home, where we drink wine with Dr. Jill, who has to leave after thirty minutes to go get groceries. Once she’s gone, Joe looks me deep in the eyes and gives me a little nod. I take his hand and he leads me to the bedroom, takes me out onto the balcony, places his strong, soft hands on my cheeks and whispers softly in my ear, “Amtrak.” We make love under the moon.

3. Joe Biden holds an online fundraiser with the Obamas and several other prominent Democrats.

4. Joe Biden holds a fundraiser in Arizona. There are plenty of important people in the room, but right now, Joe and I only have eyes for each other. I tell him that he should talk with them, to try and get more donations for the campaign. He just looks at me and laughs. He says, “I don’t give a shit about the campaign—I just want to be the president of your heart.” He wins the campaign anyway, and together we build back better. For some Americans? No. For all Americans.

5. Bill and Hillary Clinton join him in Michigan.

6. Bill and Hillary Clinton join us in Joe’s bed. They had said they were just coming over to play cards, but I think we all knew what that meant. Bill Clinton fucks like he plays the saxophone, but I can’t but help feeling jealous when Joe is touching one of them. I want him for myself. I want him to feel me.

7. Joe Biden hosts a round table with the Iowan Agricultural Society.

8. It’s January 20th, 2021. Joe Biden has won the election and, right after his inauguration, decides to appoint me his Secretary of Lovin’. He asks me if I want to go for a ride. I say yes. We fuck nasty-style in front of the press team on Air Force One.

9. Joe Biden preps for the debate with his team.

10. Me, Vice President Biden, Secretary Clinton, and President Obama join together to form the most powerful team of superheroes ever. Secretary Clinton can shoot lasers out of her eyes, President Obama can read people’s minds, I have superhuman strength, and Vice President Biden can make me feel like I’m the only person in the whole world. We grow old together, both cherishing memories of times gone by and living, with and for each other, in the present.

11. Joe Biden and his staff are all tested for COVID-19 before boarding their bus to Wisconsin.

12. Joe and I sneak away from the White House, (bringing only three Secret Service agents with us) to a remote patch of woods in the middle of DC. He tells me I’m his precious flower, and I tell him not to talk all weak and corny like that, even though it actually turned me on. We make love by the river, and he reminds me throughout that he’s not going to ban fracking. I say harder and he says he doesn’t support Medicare for All. We finish at the same time. We’re lying next to each other, our faces almost touching, and he tells me he hasn’t felt a connection like this in what feels like a lifetime—since he was in his late 60s.

13. Joe Biden meets with Bernie Sanders and other progressive Democrats to discuss policies that will satisfy both wings of the party.

14. Joe and I are in the White House this time—a White House that represents decency and honesty again. What we’re doing isn’t decent, but at the same time it might be the most honest thing two people have ever done. I ask Joe if he’s tired from all his meetings today, even though the evidence is right there in front of me that he could stay up the whole night long. He says he doesn’t want to talk about work. I whisper in his ear, “I can’t believe I’m fucking the Democratic Party.” He whispers back, “I can’t believe I’m fucking the love of my life.”


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