Since hand-me-down toys became less desirable, Chucky took up work as an animatronic member of the Disney World “It's a Small World” ride. Chucky became further disillusioned when he saw Florida's government killed people at higher rates than he ever did.

Once Halloween was canceled, Michael Myers edited his Wikipedia page so that his legend and origin are now related to Easter since he hopes everything will blow over by then.

Leatherface was delighted to find out that a mask made out of human skin does help prevent the spread of COVID from the epidemiologist that accidentally wandered into his Texas home. Leatherface was much less happy to find out that masks protect others more than himself.

Jason Vorhees started an Etsy page selling vintage hockey masks after Camp Crystal Lake stays closed for the summer.

Norman Bates was arrested for fraud after filing for a small business loan for the Bates Motel using his mother's name.

Jigsaw sunk into a deep depression after realizing that no one is ever in the mood “to play a game” anymore, especially over Zoom.

Pennywise the Dancing Clown went back into their 27-year hibernation after deciding not to eat children until everyone had gotten the Bill Gates vaccine. They will be very disappointed when they wake up and find out that wasn't long enough.

Sadako, the girl from the video that kills you seven days after you watch it, retired from the killing-game after everyone, desperate for new content, binged her video while home and the workload became too much.

Regan MacNeil became a normal teenager when local priests easily exorcised Pazzuzu from her thanks in part to their face shields blocking her vomit and the water guns containing holy water.

Damien, the son of the Devil, ended up being able to pursue his true passion, graphic design, after seeing that the world will end without him having to help in any way.

Midsommar festival organizers came to the conclusion that enough Swedish elders were sacrificed at the start of COVID and that members were free to have their own Midsommar festival at their own pace virtually.

Pinhead opted out of harvesting souls this season thinking that it was irresponsible to do so in the current climate. Pinhead also banned Americans from traveling into his dimension to further protect his fellow Cenobites, since the various pins in their heads prevent them from properly wearing a mask.

The Candyman is never called by anyone due to everyone spending their time in the bathroom focused solely on counting to twenty to ensure that they wash their hands long enough. He spends his time helping to administer COVID tests to the Trump administration using his perfectly-shaped hook.

Hannibal Lecter returned strictly to psychology and became a vegan after reading that COVID is transmitted through droplets and also people's raw livers.

Jack Torrance did not go stir-crazy and try to massacre his family at the Overlook Hotel. He'd gotten so used to isolation that he ended up channeling his creative outlet into Danny's new TikTok career.

The two teenagers who were masquerading as Ghostface end up being intubated after they failed to sanitize their talk box used to scare victims.

Annie Wilkes, a former nurse, no longer targeted her favorite author, but slowly kidnapped and hobbled everyone in Silver Creek, Colorado who stopped “clapping for essential workers at 7 PM each Monday.”

Carrie didn't kill everyone at prom when her school moved to virtual learning. She used her powers to melt other students’ school-owned Chromebooks when they didn’t mute themselves.

The Tethered realize they've been mimicking the actions of depressed people for the last six months and decide to stay below after baking their 905th sourdough bread.

Freddy Kreuger is unable to kill anyone in their dreams as their nightmares are comparatively better than real life, thus draining Freddy of all his power.

After seeing that COVID-19 disproportionately affected people of color, and, not wanting to be killed by cops, the Armitages decided it's safer to only put their clients' consciousnesses into over-privileged and wealthy white people.


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