Are You Getting LASIK Surgery or Starring in a Cheap Porn?

1. Everything smells like latex
2. Lots of pre-testing involved
3. You just met the person who will be intimately probing your body
4. Several people and bright lights surround you
5. Everyone’s really nice
6. It's all going down on top of a table
7. Plenty of numbing required
8. Possible intravenous action
9. Someone is getting paid thousands of dollars and enthusiastically yells “Cut!”
10. You wonder how things might have been different if you had made different life choices
11. You must remove all clothing and accessories, except for the robe provided by the management
12. A handsome, bald man with good eyebrows stares deep inside of you
13. Some seriously good veins popping
14. Plenty of orchestrated shifts
15. Awkward positions
16. Sharp penetration
17. You accidentally peed in your gurney
18. Hairpin turns
19. Possible psychedelic visual displays and seventies music playing in the background
20. Frequent calling on God and Jesus
21. Oozing goo squirting into your eyes
22. If all goes well you will see stars. If not, you will be sore
23. It only lasts 15 minutes
24. Naps will shortly ensue
25. The whole experience will give you a new outlook on life

1-8, 10-25: Getting cataract surgery
1-16, 18-25: Starring in a cheap porn