Dress Up and Dress Down – Many couples incorporate costumes into their love lives, but pointing out an outfit’s inaccuracies provides true stimulation. A nurse in latex? Unrealistic given the maintenance required! Tyrian purple on a plebeian's toga? Uhm, did he find the mythical home of Midas?!

Hegel’s S&M – The Phenomenology of Spirit becomes The FUN-omenology of Spirit in this consensual dialectic that encourages self-consciousness in the bedroom. One person plays the part of master, the other of slave. Then, either switch places through deeper examination of your roles, or continue until neither exists, whether through greater awareness or death of the other!

IQ Exhibitionism – Meet your lover at a bar, dressed in the sexiest outfit you own. This may require some guesswork, as nothing is attractive to you save gray matter. Listen in on the conversations of others. Then, when someone incorrectly explains the situation in Hong Kong, sidle up and state the facts (including citations!). When you close your tab, “accidentally” attempt to pay with your MENSA card.

Cultural Impact Play – Take turns smacking each other with the novels that have shaped civilization (stick to unimportant parts of the body, such as the genitals or nose). Romantics will enjoy using the collected poems of William Blake. Want to spice it up? Put on a blindfold and guess if you’re being spanked with The Bell Jar or The Notebook!

Suspension of Disbelief – Some who delight in fleshly pleasures suspend themselves from hooks and ropes. This is nothing compared to the kinky delight of suspending disbelief. Relinquish control of your intellect by attending a popular film (look for a title with words like “Furious,” “Impossible,” or “-Man’”).Those who give into the perversity of plot holes and narrative leaps may find themselves craving ever more popped corn.

Oral Arguments – Consent to dissent by reenacting the oral arguments of America’s hottest legal cases. The defense and prosecution will need to rest after a night of heavy litigation. Whether it’s Miranda v. Arizona, Tennessee v. Scopes, or Dred Scott v. Sandford, your tongue will get a workout.

Epoch Play – Here’s a naughty way to disobey the cruel mistress of time: by mixing different historical eras! Mesopotamia won’t be the only thing rising when Ur-Nammu experiences the climax of the Italian Renaissance. Cuddle afterwards to ensure no one falls into the nadir of American race relations.

Public Humiliation – It’s against human nature to seek embarrassment, but bold couples will delight in being corrected when they mention loving Malcolm Gladwell’s latest article in The New York Times. And imagine the scandal you’ll cause at a cocktail party when you offer to put on Brahms but instead spin Chopin! With so many delicious options, you’ll wish you had a prix fixe menu—with ignominious emphasis on the X!