Scene: KC and his Organs are chilling by themselves in his Seoul apartment, the Bomb Shelter, on a Friday night.

JUNK: Can we pleeeeease just get a fucking hot Korean girlfriend already?

KC: I'm telling you, it's hard! They think I'm scary looking.

BRAIN: And we spent all our money on old credit card bills and student loan payments.

JUNK: Wow. You're using the "we have no cash" excuse. We're really that boring? We suck.

KC Freeman in his apartment chillinHANDS: We cleaned the bathroom. That's pretty cool.

NOSE: I still smell like bleach. And we pulled that nose hair out. At first, I thought it was, like, six hairs stuck together by booger glue, but it was one giant solitary hair. Like a monster hair. I didn't know hairs that big could come out of a human.

BRAIN: Maybe I should have kept it for research reasons.

JUNK: Do we have any Drano left? I want to drink it and put myself out of this misery.

BRAIN: Come on, we're planning for the future. Eventually, a girl will come over and be marveled at our sparkling porcelain crapper.

KC: Yes, because so many girls are knocking down our door to whiz in our bathroom.

JUNK: I might be wrong here, but I don't remember a hot chick ever coming to any of the many apartments we've ever lived in just to use the crapper. And if they did, would you really want to bang them?

KC: Um. Shit. Junk, for the first time in your life, you're right.

BRAIN: Maybe we should write something. That will make us feel better.

KC: Wait, we still do that?EYES: Look. Big fake boobies. They sure are pretty. HANDS: I wish I could squeeze them. And then take a nap.

JUNK: We could always JO (Jack Off). That's fun.

KC: We do way too much of that. Hence, staying at home alone.

MOUTH: I have an idea.

KC: I'm all ears.

EARS: I'm still ringing from when that guy kicked me.

MOUTH: I think we should…

KC: That was probably four years ago.

HANDS: We could play video games. That's fun. And spending time with Megaman and Mario makes life less lonely.

MOUTH: Hey assholes. Listen to my idea. Let's get wasted. Alone! We've got that bottle of Russian vodka from the Russian market.

KC: I'll have you know, the Russian market doesn't sell switchblades or machine guns or even Russian prostitutes.

JUNK: You think, you know, that we're desperate enough to bang a hooker?

KC: I don't know. Maybe we should. Just, you know, get the hooker card out of the way.

BRAIN: How much? Where?

MOUTH: Can you fucking pussies shut the fuck up? Let's get shitfaced and see what happens!

KC: Um, okay.

(KC takes a few shots)

MOUTH: Tastes yummy.

JUNK: Why is it? Why do we? Why did we choose Mouth's thing?

HANDS: I'm waaaaaaay too shitfaced to use a remote controller. But I guess I could drive a car and run people over. For, like, Grand Theft Auto.

BRAIN: We don't have a fucking Xbox.

MOUTH: But we do have a buzz.

KC: I'm fucking wasted.

BRAIN: And kind of lonely. Want to watch TV?

KC: Fuck no. Let's watch porn.

JUNK: Um, not really into that right now.

KC: What? You're made of cock. Let's do it. Hands, type in some porn websites on Old Lappy the computer.

HANDS: Ha. I wrote "Pron." Which, in some circles, also means porn.

EYES: Look. Big fake boobies. They sure are pretty.

HANDS: I wish I could squeeze them. And then take a nap.

BRAIN: Imagine all the talking and conversations we could have.

MOUTH: And she could cook stuff and we could eat it. And she could bring drinks and drink drinks with us. Speaking of, we need another one.

KC: And we could wear matching clothes and I could meet her parents and…. Junk, you're not involved in any of this. What would you like to do?

JUNK: Pee.

BRAIN: Pee on her? Gross dude.

KC: Dude!

MOUTH: Dude!

BRAIN: Dude!

HANDS: Dude!


JUNK: That's not what I mean. I've really got to take a piss.

KC: Oh. Okay. Let's do it.

JUNK: Well, I'm kind of…

KC: Just fucking go.

(KC pees)

BRAIN: There's really nothing like a good urine elimination to make you feel great.

JUNK: Guys…

KC: Dude, drunk pissing is almost as good as sex.

JUNK: Guys…

EARS: You know what's weird, I don't hear the water tinkling.

KC: We're definitely peeing though.

JUNK: About that, we're not making it into the can.

KC: Shit.

EYES: Ah man. There's piss everywhere!

HANDS: Does this mean we've got to clean the bathroom again?

KC: At least now we have plans for Saturday.


More in the "My Organs and I" series:
My Organs and I Go on a First Date
My Organs and I Wake Up
My Organs and I Go to Work
My Organs and I Go to a Game
My Organs and I Hook Up (With a Girl)
My Organs and I Detox
My Organs and I Go to Work (At a Bar)
My Organs and I Turn 30
My Organs and I Drive to Denver
My Organs and I Snowboard
My Organs and I Sleep
My Organs and I Go on a Job Interview
My Organs and I Go to Vegas
My Organs and I Party in the ROK
My Organs and I Watch Korean TV
My Organs and I Stay at Home
My Organs and I Go to High School
My Organs and I Write an “Organs and I” Column
My Organs and I Get Laid in the Shower
My Organs and I Go on a Bender