JUNK: I can't believe that chick we were supposed to go on a second date with didn't wait for us.
KC: No shit.
BRAIN: You morons. We were 30 minutes late! Imagine if a girl did that to you. How would you feel?
HANDS: I don't know.
MOUTH: Don't care.
JUNK: Does she have big boobs?
HANDS: Ah boobs are so awesome.
EYES: So so so awesome! Awesome!
EARS: Hey, we're getting a phone call! Maybe it's that girl!MOUTH: Oh my goodness gracious. That's even worse than the last ten things we drank. Oh God. I just barfed in myself. And that tastes better than that Triple Sec shit.
EYES: Nope, it's Eddie!
KC: Looks like we're getting shitfaced tonight.
MOUTH: And maybe eating pizza!
BRAIN: You morons! We have work to do! Our new textbook is due this week! We need to edit and find photos!
KC: Yeah, we have three or four or five days in a week. Who cares?
BRAIN: The last Saturday we went out with Eddie, we stayed out until 8 in the morning! It fucked up our Monday! And a bit of Tuesday! Do you really want to do that again?
JUNK: Maybe there will be chicks at this bar!
EARS: Maybe they'll play George Thorogood!
BRAIN: Guys, seriously. We just got over a big relationship. And now this new girl ditched you. Alcohol acts as a depressant. Do you really think you should go out and drink your balls off?
KC: Yes.
HANDS: Yes.
JUNK: Yup.
MOUTH: I don't care. Sure.
EARS: Yup.
EYES: Yes.
BRAIN: You're insane. We've got to make a deal. No…
HANDS: Let's Rock, Paper, Scissors for it.
BRAIN: Well, that sounds intelligent.
HANDS: Rock, Paper…I win! Let's go!
BRAIN: You guys are such fucking assholes.
KC and the gang hit the bars. The Organs and him drink a few drinks.
EARS: You know what Eddie just said, "We need some shots."
KC: Let's do it!
KC and the gang drink a few shots of whiskey. Or whatever.
MOUTH: Dudes. Um, those last few shots are, like, catching up to me.
EYES: And guys, I'm getting kind of blurry.
EARS: Hey! They're playing George Thorogood and the Destroyers' "One Bourbon, One Scotch and One Beer!"
KC: Just what we need! Let's do it!
MOUTH: "Hey Eddie! Let's get a shot of Jim Beam, a shot of Jameson, and a beer!"
EARS: He said "Okay!"
BRAIN: Ahem, first, it's George Thorogood and the DELAWARE Destroyers. You don't want to get your ass kicked by some crazy fans. Second, Jameson isn't Scotch, it's Irish whiskey. Third, you guys are morons. This might literally kill us.
KC: Yeah, but, Scotch is expensive.
MOUTH: And Jameson is yummy. "Hey bartender. One drink ain't enough, you better make it three! Times two. Or more if anybody else want to do it. I'm buyin'."
BRAIN: Dumbasses. This isn't going to be good.
EARS: Hey gang, here they are. The first time he says it, let's bomb this booze!
KC drinks a shot of Jim Beam, a shot of Jameson and tries to wash it down with a beer.
MOUTH: Oh my goodness gracious, I'm going to barf. Oh God.
EARS: It hurts. Where I cry.
JUNK: You guys, you know…think girls will talk to us now?
BRAIN: I'm not doing so hot.
KC: I don't know. Maybe we sh-sh-should sit down. Or something. I don't know.
KC sits down for a bit. Or 30 minutes. Who knows?
EYES: Some guy is waving at us. He's wearing, I don't know, brass knuckles or something.
EARS: He's saying, "Hey buddy, you need to order something, sober up, or get the fuck out of here."
KC: Hey look. They've got Triple Sec. I remember some girl from our high school used to drink that straight from the bottle. Wanna try?
BRAIN: That was in high school you idiot! High schoolers are the dumbest people alive! Remember the earrings we used to have?! The JNCO pants?! The bleach blond hair?! Don't do this!
MOUTH: "One shot of Triple Sec!"
EARS: That mean guy is asking if we are serious.
MOUTH: "Sure thing! Want one?"
EYES: He's shaking his head like a pigeon. A pigeon that's backwards or something.
HANDS: Hey Mouth, ready for a shot? Too bad, here it is!
MOUTH: Oh my goodness gracious. That's even worse than the last ten things we drank. Oh God. I just barfed in myself. And that tastes better than that Triple Sec shit.
KC: I'm really really really drunk right now.
BRAIN: Yup. I'm pretty much done.
EYES: Hey look, there are TWO Eddies now!
MOUTH: "Dude, want a shot of something?"
EYES: Hahaha. Twin Eddies are nodding. Hahaha. I think.
EARS: Ha! He's ordering Jagerbombs! How fucking awesome!
KC: Judas Rockin' Priest! I'm going to lose it.
HANDS: I don't know if I can find the way to fit this shot of Jager-shit into this pint of Red Bull-shit.
MOUTH: And I don't, HIC, know if I can, fit more booze inshide of me. HIC.
BRAIN: Who fucking cares? Man, it's just a shot. This shot. That shot. In the end of the universe—and shit—it's just enerereregy and atoms flyin' through space. And shit.
HAND: Jagerbombs away!
MOUTH: That tastes like poison. Maybe it's roofied so I can stop drinkin'.
EYES: I think I'm going to cry. Again. Bad.
JUNK: I need to peepee. And Brain and Mouth, aren't you supposed to find some chicks or something?
BRAIN: I don't know, you know, if I can work. Or think and shit.
KC: Fuck it. I mean, you've got a really hot ex-girlfriend who hates you. No, you've got like, five or six ex-girlfriends who hate you. And, I mean, fuck. What the fuck? We live in a shitty basement apartment, work a job that only gives us, like, three months of paid vacation and shit. We write-sometimes—for that PIC place and those new 21-year-old kids get more hits than us. We're like a less funny, less successful, less good-looking Tucker Max. And also, we never get laid. And also, I mean, we're 33 years old and shit, and not married.
HANDS: Or a ninja.
JUNK: Or, gettin' laid or anythin'.
EYES: And I'm so tired of porn. Well, not really, but, y'know. What the hell?
HANDS: And I'm so tired of jackin' it.
KC: What's the whole point, man? I mean, you've gotta job to pay for your college, or university or whatever. And, we're not even that smart.
BRAIN: I don't even ‘member the first appearance of Wolverine in the Marvel Universe any more.
KC: Tha's wha' I'm sayin'. We're a giant fuckin' failure and shit. I mean, Wolverine is EASILY the most important thing in the world and in our lives right now. We're failing not only with girls and everything, but also with the X-Men.
JUNK: And how are we s'posed to impress chicks without knowledge and shit.
HANDS: I think I'm gonna strangle us tonight.
JUNK: Don't do that, yet. I still needs you to help me pee.
EYES: Hey look, Eddie is trying to talk to us.
EARS: Should I even lissen?
KC: I don't know. Fuggit.
EARS: He's sayin', damnit. I think he's callin' us a failure too. No wait, he's askin' if we want fried pizza and chicken. Or the other way ‘round. I don't know.
MOUTH: Hey! Pizza! Let's eat it!
KC and the gang teleport to another place. A pizza magically appears.
KC: This makes me feel happy!
MOUTH: I can barely taste the vomit in me right now.
JUNK: You think girls will think we're cute as we stuff the ninth pizza piece in our mouth?
KC: Well, duh!
BRAIN: Oh yeah, Wolverine first appeared in "The Incredible Hulk" number 181!
KC: Holy Balls! We're so awesome!
JUNK: And definitely gettin' laid now that we know that shit!
MOUTH: Let's eat another slice. For geography! Or geology! Or whatever!
KC: Awesome idea, bro.
Now KC magically appears on the floor next to his bed. It's 5 p.m. on Sunday.
KC: Hey, remember when we wanted to kill ourselves? Can we still do that?
BRAIN: We, um, spent everything at the bar. So I don't think we can afford a gun or enough bleach to drink. Holy shit I hurt.
EYES: I see two bucks!
MOUTH: Ice cream!
KC: I bet if we eat it really fast, that might make us feel better!
BRAIN: Great idea!
END