KC: Can everyone shut up for a second? I'm trying to think about good ideas. HEART: If we just believe in ourselves, the art of writing will come.
BRAIN: People who enjoy dick and fart jokes have ADHD and make goldfish's memories seem photographic. Face it, no one remembers you.
Yuri the Ukrainian, in a move to appear smooth, would sneak under girls' umbrellas and grope them. I didn't know his friends, but I thought this was pretty weird.
I was dehydrated and could barely stand after a three-hour cross-training workout. Then life presented me with whiskey, a hot woman, and a couple of whales.
I’m a youngish white male with advanced degrees. That kind of stuff would get my ass kicked in the US of A, but in the R of K that makes me a pretty hot item.
JUNK: We’re downloading and watching porn. For as long as possible. Hours and hours of it. BRAIN: Don’t you think that’s just a tad bit wrong?
"I know it is Christmas Eve, but you would be going to kindergarten dressed as Santa Claus," my boss Sunny said. I accepted in an instant, and never regretted it.
Not having sex for 41 days isn't that hard, especially because it wasn't happening anyway. But not beating one down from time to time is another story entirely.
JUNK: Yeah, why don’t we get a tattoo above me that says, “I’m open for anything.” KC: I don’t think that’s the message we want out there, because, um, we’re not.
“Your father wants to drive you to the airport and have a talk with you,” my mom said. Even at the ripe young age of 32, these words scared the crap out of me.
"Did I forget to mention that your uncles and I are immune to poison ivy? Doesn’t do shit to us. So maybe you’ve got a 50/50 chance of catching that gene, son."
Originally, I bought the zipper tie as a joke, but since nobody in my family wears ties except for me, I thought I may as well give this one a shot.