Let me Rephrase that.

After growing out of my mainstream teenage tastes, gagging on the lastest trends, and having to shift between 4 different radio stations merely to find something to listen to… I don't like music.

It's such a big hassle to merely find a band or song that really gets my energy pumping. I'm too old to thrash around to a candylicious pop-punk ditty, yet too inexperienced in musical knowledge to appreciate anything more advanced. Nothing really hits the mark anymore. Basically I'm beyond thinking the Charlie's Angels soundtrack is all that's worth listening to, but I'm too lazy to seek out the music I really like. What I wouldn't give to be 16 and naive again.

Anyway, here's some things that make me not like music.

The Radio- Anyone who spends a considerable amount of time in their car will tell you that radio stations are beyond help. It becomes a button-mashing session merely to find something you don't hate. Add to that repeated songs, stubborn stations, and that damn Gnarls Barkeley, and what you have is a serious problem.

One they try to alleviate with Alternative stations or RANDOM PLAYLISTS. In Austin we have a station called BOB FM that shuffles through a random assortment of music from any decade… supposedly at the whim of a mysterious “BOB” character.

Bob must be the biggest indiscriminate music douche bag ever. I thought we as a people were over Six Pence None the Richer.

iTunes- and other online music sources. Now I'm no music elitist (did I mention I LOVE New Found Glory?), but I firmly believe in music sold as an album. Not for the artist's purposes, but mine. It's so rare that I even like a song, that I cling on to any similar tracks in hope of not being abandoned in my pickiness.

P.S. nothing is more annoying than having a trusty vessel ready to sail the high note seas with limitless room for booty but no starting point in your hunt for melodic treasure. I mean sure the gold is out there, but I need a fucking map that isn't named “music critic” or “thirteen year old girl”

The Beatles- Apparently they are the greatest band of all time… more popular than Jesus. How come then, they do absolutely nothing for me? You can call me a fool, an idiot with no appreciation for musical genius that makes your ears cream themselves, and you'd be right. I WISH I could enjoy them. For once, I wouldn't feel like the kid who likes vanilla cake at a birthday party full of chocoholics.

But all that is mute, because The Beatles and I march to beats of different eardrums.

Nirvana- At least the Beatles have the decency to stay within their niche on the radio dial. Nirvana is in a really annoying phase right now where both alternative and classic rock stations like to play and overplay the same album's worth of material. Any time they need to fill 4 minutes they toss in this garbage and won't let you forget it. I might have even liked it at one point. I can't remember because my memory is so blinded by the rage of overexposure. No music is good enough to be heard that often for that long.

They also win the Irony Award for their name and the complete opposite effect on my stress level when I listen to them.

The Rep- It would be easier to like music if it didn't come attached with labels and implications about you. I'm telling you, I'd still be listening to Good Charlotte if that was the case. Okay, that's a stretch. Sifting through the genres and the If-you-like-this-you'll-like-that's is hard enough without your friend's sister agreeing with your taste and ruining it for you.

Don't worry I got her back by taking her 2nd base virginity.

Popularity- We all know the cliche, once a song goes mainstream, it's ruined. And there's truth in that. It's no longer YOUR music. You're not alone. Sorry groups of girls who go “It's OUR song, DANA!” everytime London Bridge plays.

That being said, I don't have time to be a “scenester” (did I use that correctly?) so ahead of the curve, I know which bands will be good before they even form. “Oh yeah, Apples and Eve really are a kickass band, dude. It just sucks that they won't form for another 16 months.”

I want to start my own band with three guys with severe short term memory loss so I can be the only one that's heard of us.

The Good News- I feel like I might be able to get out of this musical funk. *George Clinton perks up* No, not that kind of funk. Currently I'm on somewhat of a Classic Rock revival. My heart has a shuffle beat as I've really come to appreciate the Blues. And just maybe some day I'll actually put some effort into developing/acquiring a new music taste.

Until then, let's hear Panic! At The Disco one more time, yes? BARF

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