…As soon as I finish this blog.

I mean it, Mozilla! We're through! Gmail, get off my nuts. Twitter you @sshole, would you do… anything, for once? I don't understand how we can spend so much time together, and still have nothing to show for it.

It's not that I don't enjoy the time we share, but it used to mean something when you sent me sweet little messages throughout the day. But if you're going to try to introduce me to another one of your loser friends, well you can just forget it.

And bothering me at work? I can't go five minutes without seeing how you're doing. It makes me sick! I feel like I'm some cat5 whipped IT bitch. I need some space to feel like a man again.

And then when I come home, what are you doing? Nothing, just checking my mail. Did you apply for any jobs? No, that'd be too much to ask. Lol cats and saying FAIL a lot? Is this how you want to spend the rest of our lives?

Wireless, my ass! When we started this it was cute, raw no-strings-attached fun. I logged into you at any time day or night, and shut you down once I was finished. Now, we're on the same phone plan.

Even when I'm away from you, I can't get away from you. So needy!

Internet, sweetie, you are the best technological achievement of the last two centuries, don't get me wrong. I just wish this was going somewhere. We used to be so active. We used to get out there. Sometimes I wonder whether we're only staying together because we've been together this long.

No, don't cuddle up to me with your nsfw's. You think you can just show me your junk, and make everything better?

I said stop it… okay fast-forward a little bit.

Ah Dammiit, now I'm late. And no, you cannot haz cheezburger.