There are “duh” moments, and then there are complete revelations that transcend duh. The following is a transcendental revelation.

My friend was telling me about some activity she did (now irrelevant) in Austria with a group of locals. Apparently the story was going to be funny because of the language barrier, so I jumped to the conclusionary effect of, “hahah…and then you realized you don't speak Austrian!”

“Well, that's not what I was gonna say, but there's no such thing as Austrian, they speak German in Austria. Jesus, aren't you a history major?” she said.

Then I let it rip: “Oh shit…really? That's so weird, speaking another country's language in your own country…. Like, what if everyone spoke Mexican in America, would we actually call our national language Mexican?”

Everyone erupted in laughter and I had no idea what was going on. There are so many things wrong with that sentence I deserved to be on verbal probation for the rest of the night.

Eventually, things died down and they sat me down like a kindergartner and explained that our national language is English, which, despite the Redcoats best attempts over 200 years ago, happens to be a foreign country.


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