Sumo Has Swayed Me Again
The Sway is a nice if you need something more like a chair and less like a marshmallow; it's a middle ground between a proper chair and a giant blob.
Tag: All In Jest
The Sumo Emperor: Fit for a King
The first thing you'll experience with the Emperor is "The Big Red Bang," a rapid expansion of microsuede upon unwrapping.
RSVP “No” from an 18th Century Stalker
Thank you kindly for what I assume is a forthcoming invitation to your Friday soiree. It is with deep apologies and sober regret, I must decline.
Undecidedly Middle Class
There's something I've been meaning to address:the American Public. I mean, whatta you have to do to get an audience around here, run for president?
Eschewing the Tip Drill
In lieu of tipping the bathroom attendant at a strip club, a lot of guys will choose to just NOT wash their hands. Not me.
Real Chat with Julian Asange on the Party Life
Julian Asange recounts his intense drug trip at a college dubstep show, as well as his experience with a Taco Bell drive-thru hookup.
Heather Linn’s Juicy Yearbook Secrets
Heather Linn was finishing her junior year at Northlake High School in 1988. Little does she know, I've seen (and contributed to) her juicy little yearbook secrets.
Iran to US: “I Drone, On and On and On”
If you're an Iranian citizen, and you ever wanted proof that your country is struggling economically, or led by wacky dudes, the US drone photos are just what you've been waiting for!
My Last 20 Text Messages
I like to think of my latest texts as a shallow character study and a pop culture linguistics check.
My First Time Buying Alcohol for High Schoolers
I bought liquor for two high school guys at a concert the other day, my first experience giving back to the underage alcoholic community I was once a member of.
Brushing Up on Relationships
Why is it that women refuse to turn off the faucet while they brush their teeth? Every one of my girlfriends has gone full blast the entire time.
Boner Costumes: The Abbreviated Version
Speaking of Halloween costumes, it's kind of my favorite thing to come up with, especially phallic puns. This year I've decided to go as Premature Ejaculating Santa.