Well, the New Year is in, and the Old Year is out. 2007 was a doozy, folks; it gave us the iPhone, the last Harry Potter book, and the bicycle. Can 2008 live up to the hype? Will it, as experts predict, fall after 2007 in the history books? Will this finally be the year that someone realizes Abe Vigoda has, in fact, been dead since 1997?

I don't know, and I don't care. Several important things happen to me this year, and I'm not gonna let world events or the Apocalypse or Abe Vigoda overshadow them for me.

For one, I turn 21 in June. For anyone wondering, this will, without a doubt, be the happiest day of my life. It furthermore will continue to be the happiest day of my life until I get married, have kids, or win a substantial sum of money from gambling or the lottery. Seeing that I'll be on a plane bound for Vegas the day of my birthday, there is a good chance that any one of these secondary events will happen very shortly after I turn 21. Until then, though, I'm just looking forward to me reaching into my wallet at 12:00 AM on June 1, only to find my driver's license replaced with a Wonka golden ticket, congratulating me on a lifetime of available booze that no man nor government nor force of nature could ever revoke. Huzzah.

Also, the day I return from Vegas is the day I move down to the beach for the summer. This is a big deal for me; I love the beach, I'll be 21 and living away from home, and there is a liquor store roughly 50 yards from my house's doorstep. I'm not sure anything else need be said about that.

Anyway, since I just gave you a preview of my year, let us further expand on said property by outlining the few resolutions that I will keep.

1. Lose Some Damn Weight

As with most college-goers, I've put on a few lbs. since enrolling, and my boozehound ways have only made sure that my weight has stayed pretty consistent in the last year and a half. To fix this, I'm gonna start playing tennis again, a sport which I love but haven't been playing recently. Also, I'm sticking (for the most part) to liquor, as beer has a tendency to take up residence in and around the gut area. To top it all off, I'm gonna start eating more vegetables (fuck fuck fuck) and less breads, fried stuff, and sugar (fuck fuck fuck). This is not about my health, but rather my ability to enjoy beach life this summer, if you know what I mean.

Sex, people. I'm talking about sex.

2. Invest

I am somewhat of a spendthrift. When I get my hands on some money, it usually goes right around to some other, unnamed thing that I've been planning to buy. If there's not something I want, it usually gets slowly sapped away into pool, alcohol, or a combination of the two. Starting yesterday, I've made up my mind to put away some of my money into savings, buy a little stock every now and then, and eventually blow a wad of cash in Vegas on blackjack, poker, and strippers.

3. Write More

Now that Ol' Editor-In-Atlanta Court gave me this blog, I have a damned good reason to write, everyday if I want to. I've slacked off this holiday season (because it was just that), but now that I'm back in the swing of things, I'm making it my solemn goal to write not once, not twice, but four times per week. Oh, sure, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, “Tyler, that's a bare minimum of 208 posts per year! Have you any idea how many words that adds up to?!?” Yes, I do. But I'm not telling the likes of you.

4. Have The Letter “M” Stricken From The English Language

Haha… getaway car…

But seriously, folks, pick up Steve Martin's autobiography. It's a quick read, and damn funny to boot. Especially get it if you just got that out-of-context joke.

5. Read More

This goes along with the whole writing thing- to be a good writer, you have to read, and since I'm not yet a good writer, then reading more seems the logical place to start. If you have any books you'd like to suggest, then by all means, do it in the comment box. I need a good, funny starting point. Oh, and yes, I've already read The Hitchhiker's Guide series. So should you.

Good to be back, Happy New Year, and keep it real, people.