Dear Caring Parents,
You hold in your hand this year’s catalog for the prestigious West 56th Street Daycare & Nursery School. Your little one deserves nothing but the best and we here at West 56th provide nothing less.
Our admission procedure is thorough but guarantees that your child will be studying with colleagues who are truly the best and the brightest midtown Manhattan has to offer.
We ask that each applicant complete our ten-page form including the security clearance section. But not to worry. So long as your child has no criminal convictions and a clean employment record, he should have no trouble obtaining the required ranking of “Top Secret.”
Please be sure to include all pertinent information for your child’s five references. If you’re wondering who qualifies as an acceptable referee, think judges, senators and Wall Street financiers, preferably those who are West 56th alumni. If you’re having trouble coming up with five, maybe our nursery school is not for you.
One note of caution, parents: please do not assist your little one in completing the essay section. If your child cannot express in his own words why a West 56th education is essential to his future success, perhaps you should be applying elsewhere.
If your child is accepted, you will be notified by registered mail and given a generous 48 hours within which to register your child in person at the school’s admissions office. Failure to do so in a timely manner will result in the rescinding of the acceptance, the loss of your $1,000 deposit and a black mark on your child’s record that, let’s face it, can never be erased.
Once registered, your child will be tested to determine which of our specialized programs he will be assigned to. We don’t want to waste your time, our time or, most importantly, your child’s time with a pointless general education curriculum. That’s why, right out of the gate, we find your child’s strengths and tailor his course load to realize his full potential.
West 56th is known for excellence in all fields of pre-elementary education, and that’s why we offer the following programs of study for your toddler or preschooler:
The Pre-Law Program
If your child qualifies, he can enroll in our two-year pre-law program which will immediately give him a leg up on his future kindergarten colleagues and pretty much guarantee eventual acceptance into the Ivy League law school of his choice. And with courses like Tots and Torts, Krayon Kontracts, and Really Personal Property, this is a pre-law program that doesn’t have to be all work and no play. It can also sometimes be lots of fun.
The Pre-Med Program
Assuming your son or daughter achieves the requisite score on the NSMAT or Nursery School Medical Admissions Test, a two-year pre-med course is his or hers for the asking. This program includes courses such as Playing Doctor, Playing Specialist, and Billing Procedures. Those who qualify may also participate in our summer intern program in the specialty of their choice. Those who don’t must always remember that there is no shame in ultimately becoming simply a general practitioner.
If a Harvard MBA is your dream for your child then cross your fingers and hope that he qualifies for our esteemed business program. Those toddlers who already have experience in running their own small business such as a lemonade stand, a bake sale or a junior derivatives market will be given preference. Our program emphasizes a case study method using various audio-visual aids like blocks and blankies to show our little ones how to legally and legitimately increase their own personal wealth.
If your child is unable to qualify for one of our professional programs, have no fear. He can still enroll in our crackerjack liberal arts program which may prepare him to eventually achieve success in some practical field of study. But even if he doesn’t, a West 56th liberal arts education will still teach him to converse intelligently with his contemporaries and thereby hopefully capitalize on personal connections to become gainfully employed.
If you think your pre-schooler is up for the challenge of a lifetime, visit www.west56th.com and complete the preliminary application form to see if your child qualifies for a full application form. If he does and your $1,000 deposit check clears, we can begin the process which might just let your little one reach for the stars.