Hello, and welcome to our podcast Finding Tracy, a true crime docu-series where we chronicle the murder of Tracy Evans, a beloved mother, teacher, and white woman. We’ve done years of research, interviews, and gravedigging in the name of this project.

And by this project, we also mean a book that we assume will be published based on the podcast, and then a follow-up podcast where we thoroughly examine what it was like to make a book based on our podcast, which will also, itself, become a book.

Intellectual property is precious and hard to find, just like Tracy’s body. So when we heard about the death of this unassuming woman from the Midwest, we knew we had to pounce on her life rights and beat out her family in court, all in the quest of honoring her memory. Back then, we were just two lowly Ivy-league journalism degree graduates with one goal in mind: to tell a story that could be retold in print and then again in the audio format, creating a massive fan base that gets our content trending on Twitter and allows us to meet Oprah.

Tracy Evans was born on a farm in Garrison, North Dakota where her father put food on the table by working on things we’re going to omit from this podcast in a way that sounds ominous, but is actually just in the interest of keeping the book at least a little revealing. We can’t give everything away in this first form, as a caterpillar does not immediately become a butterfly, and book agents don’t immediately give you a deal if there isn’t at least a little bit of new copy. We promised to maintain a level of integrity to our craft when we began this project, and that craft is really milking a lot of content out of just one murder.

Tracy had a daughter that we weren’t allowed to talk to because of Tracy’s short-sighted, restraining-order-winning husband. But we imagine what she would have said is sad. You can listen to a reimagining of that interview that never actually happened in our first podcast. And when she’s 18, we’ll go back to harassing her in the hopes that she’ll finally agree to come on our new podcast about the book about the original podcast. And we’ll have her comment on our imagined interview from the original podcast and subsequent book where it is made even sadder, making sure she cries into the microphone.

Are we aware that we’re making the human centipede of content? That’s a question we’ll answer in the movie about the book about the podcast about the book about the podcast, which our managers assure us will definitely happen. We get to play rock-paper-scissors over which one of us is portrayed by Jessica Biel, and the other by Jessica Chastain. Tracy will be featured for a breathtaking three minutes by an actress that isn’t named in the credits because it’s more of a cameo than an actual role. We are also going to show one beautiful, sad, beautiful picture of her at the end of the film. Mostly so the audience will know that if they’re bored by the plot, it’s her fault, so they shouldn’t write a bad review because they would be besmirching the name of a sad, beautiful, sad, dead, sad woman.

Tracy Evans lived a short life and died a death that we promise we’ll get into sometime between episodes 7 and 9 in this very podcast with just enough gruesome detail and mournful music to really hook you, our audience. This is to assure that you wait with bated breath when we release a follow-up book about our podcast that became a book about our podcast that was produced as a monthly subscription-based online magazine about our book about our podcast that was followed by a book about our animated video podcast about our book about our podcast about our book about our podcast that became a major, Oscar-winning movie. We have the numbers, and they’re solid. Jessica(s) Biel/Chastain will discuss them in a heated scene that probably involves dinner at a Michelin-starred restaurant we hope this movie deal will help us afford, with lots of fork and knife object work to remind you that the scratching of empty plates indicates tension that we don’t have in reality because we’re too busy high fiving and playing rock-paper-scissors.

And now, we’d like to take a break to advertise a meal prep subscription where you can use the promo code TRACY to make us money.