Welcome to the multiverse! You are now a member of the Other You Box Subscription service, where other versions of you send boxes from their parallel universe.
What is your life like, out there? Are you happy in these other worlds? Take a look in the box and see what Other You is up to!
Here is a list of contents from the boxes sent by Other You’s this year.
From your Lifestyle Influencer Universe
Purple lipsticks and orange eyeshadows that Other You insists will look fabulous, but you’re probably going to have a hard time pulling off.
Eyelash extensions so huge and long they make it nearly impossible to open your eyes. You’ll feel like Bambi! Take a selfie and use it as your new avatar, and then decide if you want to throw the extensions away.
Asymmetrical, provocative clothing that comes with a little note from Other You: “I personally have never lived in the Midwest, so I hope this works with your wardrobe! xoxo”
A photo of Other You with a book that she’s written, titled Looking Great.
The book is also included: it’s just photos of Other You, looking great.
From your Motivational Speaker Universe
A trophy from a regional spelling bee—which you lost in round two in your world, but in this other world you apparently knew how to spell onomatopoeia at age seven. A note on the trophy says, “We did it!” which might hurt more than losing that spelling bee did.
Photos of Other You scaling their world’s four tallest mountain peaks, all in one year. You are presently afraid of heights.
Extra fan mail Other You sends your way to, “encourage you to become your best self!” It might not work.
From your United States President is a Woman Universe
Newspaper clippings talking about how much money teachers and nurses make in America now. The stories are compelling, but it’s also amazing that they’re on real, actual newsprint.
Essays from this world praising the President for her work on closing the wage gap, thwarting sexism in the world, and on her flawless looks at diplomatic functions. Not a single mention of golf courses, nepotism, or walls.
A bumper sticker that says “Trump/Pence 2016” with a note, “From the failed opponent’s campaign. Can you imagine?!”
A questionnaire from Other You’s teenaged children, asking you things like, “What’s it like to live without bodily autonomy? How old will you be until you can buy a house in your world? When you’re not being harassed, what do you do with your free time?”
From your Beloved Hermit in the Woods Universe
Self-portraits drawn inside of Other You’s grotto, smiling proudly with her friends the racoon, the possum, and the dragon. Who knows if the dragon is real in her universe, or just in her mind?
A contract, on tree bark, demanding that you stay off the internet for the rest of your life, followed by an 800-page handwritten manifesto detailing how technology harms you. It’s very compelling! You can put the contract aside to review online.
Pet rock collection with a note that, “they’re very good listeners, should you ever consider therapy…”
From your Fitness Guru Universe
A fitness plan and workout gear that you never asked for. The clothes are a bit snug, because Other You was being “size optimistic” (their words).
Food samples like millet and dragon fruit, which Other You declares as “delicious”—which they are, but only if present-world you eats them with a cookie.
A photo of Other You, which they say is for “inspiration,” but will really only give you confused feelings of attraction.
A measuring tape with their/your face on it. You can throw this away right now.
From your Conservation Warrior Universe
A newsletter from Geri and Freki, two wolves that you’re apparently the benefactor for on Other You’s Earth. How sad to see they’re endangered there! How embarrassing that Other You thought you could afford to do this!
She’s sent along a photo of her next to a waterfall, with the note, “In my backyard! What does yours look like?” Your backyard is a 2’x3’ stoop, home to a dead tomato plant. You choose to ignore the question.
She has also included Ways of the World, her bestselling self-help book slash autobiography. She’s dedicated her section on interpersonal relationship advice to you.
One of those “wolf howling at the moon” graphic t-shirts that aren’t really your style, but you should probably just wear it because it came with the expensive wolf sponsorship.
From your Martian Pioneer Universe
A photo of Other You sitting in a rover, waving at the camera. She wrote on the back of the photo that this is her first car, but it’s pretty clear this is Other You’s forever and only car, as the space program that sent her to Mars did not receive funding for rover replacement.
Another pet rock collection, but with a note that says, “These are my pets! We were going to pulverize them for research, but I thought I would send them to you so they could survive forever.” This pet rock fixation may freak you out, so consider a brief discussion with your therapists (the other pet rocks).
A request for foods like barley and tomatoes with an explanation of how valuable these foods are on Mars. Other You will have to decide whether to eat them or use them to barter with space pirates for rover parts, to keep the car running for another 6 sun cycles.
A picture taken from the rocket when Other You departed, of the home planet Earth. Looking at it makes you glad you’re still here.