Psst, hey you! Kinda late to be looking for a costume this close to Halloween, isn't it? What's the matter? Haven't you figured out what you want to be yet?

I bet all your friends already bought costumes of their favorite characters, huh? She-Hulk, one of those kids from Stranger Things, Ted Lasso… Seems like everyone's got an outfit except for you!

Hey, I get it. It can be hard finding the perfect costume at the perfect price. Not all of us can afford the likes of a Rubie's or a Spirit Halloween officially licensed and trademarked character costume, that's for sure. But what if I told you there was a way you could dress as your favorite and still culturally relevant character for a fraction of the price?

That's right! How would you like to dress up this Halloween as America's favorite unkempt and ghoulish prankster, BingleJuice!

He's just as mischievously macabre as you remember! But not exactly in the way you might remember. He does his pranks and havoc way differently than you've ever maybe seen before.

We double-checked to make sure!

First off, he's a bio-thaumaturge (thaumaturge means “a performer of miracles” and is a very ownable–to me—character trait) who helps the dead get rid of their pesky and annoying human problem. Seems like a pretty great and general idea that would be hard to attribute to any single story or franchise. A tale as old as time, you or a judge in federal U.S. Copyright Court might say!

But watch out! If anyone dares say his name 10 (TEN) times, he'll be unleashed to cause all sorts of trouble in a very different and unique way! Don't believe me?


Oh, c'mon, don't be scared—his cursed name has only escaped my lips thrice! And yet nothing has happened that could possibly define a specific character trait within a story that has already been written! Do I dare repeat his name seven more times?

BingleJuice… BingleJuice… BingleJuice… BingleJuice… BingleJuice… BingleJu–

Ok I lost count, but you get the idea. The important thing is you gotta say his name a lot more than just three times!

Look! This BingleJuice costume comes with a wacky wig that would also work great for a general “mad scientist” costume that wouldn't infringe at all on the Universal Pictures Amblin Entertainment–owned character Doc Brown from the trademark and copyright-protected Back to the Future trilogy.

A two-in-one costume?! Now that's value!

See how the “J” in the middle of “BingleJuice” is capitalized? That's how you know this is a real-deal character and not just a knockoff of ANY existing intellectual property. Also, there’s nothing trademarkable about a two-piece suit with vertical black and white stripes! I'm counting on it.

Heck, I wouldn't know if there WAS another type of character even remotely similar to BingleJuice that already exists. That's how fresh and intrinsic I believe this wacky ghoul to be! If so, then maybe I’M the one getting ripped off!

Who? “Tom Burton”? No, never heard of him.

Picture this: it's Halloween night and all your friends are dressed up in officially licensed costumes of characters in the current cultural zeitgeist. Suddenly, you appear out of nowhere wearing this awesome costume recognizable as the public domain character BingleJuice while shouting his iconic catchphrase:

“It's chow time!”

(BingleJuice loves to chow down on candy but not bugs, just candy, and that's an important distinction to make clear, ok?)

With this costume you’d be “the ghost with the most”! Which I promise is a phrase I just made up right now on the spot and isn't a line from a movie or anything.

Now, I know what you might be thinking. “Hey, this kinda reminds me of a movie and/or cartoon from 30 years ago featuring a little goth girl and scary sandworm creatures.”

To which I would respond, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, no. Did you say ‘sandworms'? They're actually totally different than that in BingleJuice. They're more like eels if anything.”

So don't say anything like that again.

Ok, are we clear about this costume regarding the line between public domain and what constitutes copyright infringement? Remember, your verbal agreement frees me from any legal responsibility based on how and in what manner you use this character. Just think of all the candy you'll score by wearing this wholly unique outfit based on fair use creative materials! Wow!

Seriously, kid, you gonna buy this or what? C'mon, it's BingleJuice! $40 cash, and it's yours. No haggling.

Attaboy! This is gonna be your best Halloween ever! No returns, either.

Oh, and be sure to tell your little friends about me. I got a bunch of Jack SkingleTon costumes from The Bad Dream Before Holiday-Time I need to move quick.