Miles, the Sagittarius, regales the party with tales from his trip to East Asia, and questions whether Western medicine is right to consider the disease and a person’s overall health as two separate things. He cautions that we should treat the body as a whole system and work to maintain homeostasis. “Man, I swear, we’re all gonna go to South Korea next year and you’ll see what I mean. I promise. I’m taking all of you. I’ll text you tomorrow and we’ll plan a trip.” He never plans the trip.

Noah, the Cancer, when Miles talks about the trip with all of them together, pulls up pics from their intramural softball league earlier in the year and starts crying. “It just won’t always be like this. We won’t be friends forever.” Eventually his words are muffled by sobs. He drunk-cries for the rest of the party.

Sam, the Pisces, immediately puts his arm around Noah to comfort him. He holds him like that for a while, saying, “Shhh,” and rubbing his shoulders. He makes facial expressions at the others indicating that they should help, but they don’t understand what he means, and he gets irritated. “He just wants us to be here for him, guys. Come on. It’s not hard.” Everyone thinks he and Noah are hooking up.

Oliver, the Aquarius gets uncomfortable with all the hugging and crying and immediately starts debating Western and Eastern medicine with Miles. “I’ve looked this up before. Okay so I have fifteen examples of disease treatment plans with higher success rates using Western approaches than Eastern.” He immediately texts Miles the links to several peer reviewed papers.

Stephen, the Gemini, earlier in the party, Stephen was gently but passionately supporting Miles’ argument that the world should move back toward the practices of Eastern Medicine. “I just can’t understand how anyone would think you shouldn't consider viewing the body as a whole system and moving it back toward a balanced state.” But now he is defending Oliver, with equal passion, adding to the tension. “You’d have to be a frickin’ idiot to even consider not treating a disease as separate. You can be healthy and also have a disease!” He flip-flops eighteen more times before the party is over.

Matt, the Scorpio, in the room from God knows where, waving his phone, so hammered his eyes are crossed, and starts shouting. “SOMEONE WAS TALKING TO MY GIRL. I DUNNO WHO. I DUNNO WHO IT WAS. SOMEONE WAS TALKING TO—LOOKING AT—TALKING TO, HER, WHATEVER I SAID. I’M GONNA KICK—I’M GONNA KICK SOMEONE’S ASS. I’M GONNA KICK IT.” He slow-motion punches two people.

Jackson, the Libra, encourages everyone to take a deep breath. “Matt, no one is talking to your girlfriend. None of us would ever do that. Right guys? And Miles and Oliver and Stephen, all of your arguments are good. You’re all doing great. Those are all great points. Let’s just chill out and drink.” He is casually dancing while he says all of this.

Spencer, the Aries, explodes out of his chair, drunk, knocks three people over, and screams, “BEER PONG! BEER PONG RIGHT NOW, PUSSIES! HELL YEAH! COME ON!” He’s saturated with booze. People wonder if he’s secretly gay because he tends to scream about how much he likes women.

Liam, the Leo, is hot as hell. This is his party and everyone knows it. He fist pounds Spencer and starts playing beer pong. “My dudes! You are all my brothers. I will never not love all of you, and you will never not love each other. Don’t ever forget that. Now let’s be our best selves and play some pong.” He smirks and everyone immediately circles the beer pong table and falls sexually in love with him.

James, the Virgo, has been giving Liam live feedback about the party since it started. Now he’s warning him that if they’re too loud the cops might get called. “I’m just being a realist. I’ve had a great time. But, like, jail. Also you should get guac next time and there might not be enough toilet paper.” He is reading notes off his phone.

Tim, the Taurus, made hors d'oeuvres for the party. He’s already picked up all the chairs that have been knocked over, and has grabbed a broom. “I just figured I’d just get ahead of the cleanup. But yeah, like, party’s not over. For sure.” He has built extra shelves in the kitchen to hold the snacks people brought.

Luke, the Capricorn, is ripped as hell. As soon as people start having fun again, he stands up and announces that he’s gotta head to bed. “It’s late, bros, and I gotta get up early cuz I gotta work out in the morning. I actually care about what I look like. It’s been a fun party, though.” He leaves. It’s 10 PM.


And now a quick joke...

2020 has helped me understand the plot of Planet of the Apes better. I could see being so fed up with human leadership that you’re like, “Maybe we give the monkeys a shot.”